Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, January 27, 1992 TAG: 9201250297
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: EXTRA 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE:
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
SEAWEED OR NOT, THIS IDEA FOR SAVING WATER IS ALL WET
The following is going to get pretty racy, boys.You may want to just go on to "Gil Thorp" to see if Bitsy Twill has found out who keeps putting all that big money in her locker.
Those of you who stay with me here are going to wonder if I have gone mad with lust in my declining years.
I haven't. I'm writing the following only to enlighten you about the times in which we live.
We won't be taking the easy way. It's a hard world out there.
Here it is, up front and not prettied up.
There is outfit called H20 Plus, and it is suggesting that you take a bath with somebody else.
To tell you the truth, H20 Plus seems to be selling something. I'm not sure, but I think they sell stuff to make your skin nice.
You don't take a shower with someone else, junior. Showers waste too much water.
As H20 Plus said: "An intimate bath for two uses about 25 gallons of water versus 56 gallons for a seven-minute shower."
As you can see, although it could help you a little on your water bill, this is a very delicate matter, and we cannot get into specifics here.
I will say, just for myself, that I am not going to get into the same bathtub with anybody else regardless of sex, age, political preference, weight, height, annual income or eye color.
You can go ahead with your bath, but it looks like it's not going to be easy to do it right.
Right off, these people suggest "turning your bathroom into a tropical rain forest with luxurious scents and soaks."
You take some candles in there, some inflatable pillows, a radio and "body brushes," whatever they are.
I don't know how you're going to be able to see to shave, but let's get along here.
These people suggest that instead of taking your friend or helpmate out for a Valentine's Day dinner, you slip into your "soothing seaweed body mask."
Then, as far as I can tell, you rub a lot of this stuff into your skin.
Sure. You just bop on home this Valentine's Day and tell your wife:
"Hey, hey, hey, Myrtle. Look what I got here. Matching seaweed body masks, inflatable pillows, candles, body brushes and all this great stuff to rub into our skin.
"We'll get scented and soaked like you won't believe, baby doll."
And Myrtle says:
"Touch me, you perverted kinky person and I'm calling the cops and my mother."
There. I'm glad that's over.
Incidentally, if you have any seaweed body masks left over, keep 'em to yourself.