Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, March 9, 1992                   TAG: 9203090180
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A9   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: MONTY S. LEITCH
DATELINE: SO                                LENGTH: Medium

LIMBER UP! PAINTING FARMHOUSE KITCHEN'S NOT CALLED WORK FOR NOTHING

Let's say you live in one of those old farmhouses that's had a few years to settle and shift, that's been patched-up and puttered-over time and time again, until there's not one level surface or right angle left in it.

Let's say you're aware of the current economic pressures that render large remodeling projects let's say - you decide to repaint your kitchen yourself.

Better you should decide to enter the cross-country ski events in the Winter Olympics in Norway.

Honestly, I thought the job would be simple. I even scheduled time with the Man of the House so he could handle the "heavy work." Move the stove. Move the refrigerator. Hang the cabinets. Move the shelves.

And he did all that. With large grace and small grunting, I might add.

The rest - the "light work" - I said I would do.

I've painted rooms before. I even know some of the lingo. "Cash brush," for instance. "Semi-gloss interior latex. Cleans up with soap and water." I thought it would be a snap.

I planned every step in my head. I listed the tools I'd need and the ones I'd have to buy. I researched prices and presented an estimate. I chose the perfect color of paint and figured how many gallons to buy. In short, I did everything right!

Except go in training for six months or 10 years or however long it takes to achieve the strong and flexible body required to meet the challenge of putting three coats of recalcitrant paint on a kitchen that won't stand still.

For days and days I felt, as they say, like I been rode hard and put up wet.

There are corners in my kitchen that can only be painted when the painter is standing on her head. There are others best reached when the painter's back is pressed against the ceiling and her head is twisted off. There are places where trim meets wall in a convex curve.

I must have been much more limber when I painted those other rooms. Did you know there are muscles in the palms of your hands that can hurt as much as the muscles in your thighs? Did you know you can ache so deeply that you have to grunt just to blink your eyes?

Now that it's over, I keep telling myself the kitchen looks so much better. I say, "You'll certainly find some other use for that leftover paint."

While I was painting, I talked to myself as well. I said, "This is why professional painters get paid." I said, "Professional painters know how to avoid drips and smears." I said, "They know the secret of cleaning up brushes."

Mostly I said, "Never again."