Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, April 13, 1994 TAG: 9404090032
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
Normal people don't look at television in the early morning hours, and I can tell them that what I see is a clear and present danger to their very existence as being normal.
There are things being sold that these people wouldn't believe. There is a young woman who talks about sex a lot and a funny-looking woman of indeterminate age who is almost bald and has painted her remaining hair silver. Her name is Susan, and she screams about diets a lot.
Susan I can stand. I really feel the primeval urge to kill when I watch these exercise shows.
These feature two or three women, some of them of indeterminate age, who wear very tight clothing. They are joined by two or three men with huge biceps and the apparent IQs of your average eggplant.
They are supposed to show us how to exercise isolated muscles, and they feature one of these young ladies lying down on an exercise bench, pushing her upper arm away from her body.
While this is occurring, one of the men usually says something like: "That's a girl, Ginger, go for it."
Ginger also has a washboard, hard-body stomach and - you ladies may want to look aside momentarily - obviously has paid some attention to her pectoral development. She also has an 18-inch neck.
When she hears the sophisticated comment of her male companion, Ginger grimaces, grits her teeth and says: "Whoo!"
She is followed by Monique, who gets down on the ground and starts doing these leg exercises that would put the Washington Redskins center on injured reserve.
One of the beefcake guys bends over Monique as she grits her teeth and explains what she is exercising; which is really quite apparent, if you catch my meaning.
He says: "Way to go, Monique." She replies urbanely: "Whoo!"
Meanwhile, they are selling this woman's blazer on one of those channels that are designed to make you use your credit cards wantonly and disastrously. The colors in this blazer would blow out the lights in Pulaski.
On another channel, people wearing scanty exercise clothing are jumping up and down to music and saying things like: "Yeah!"
I must admit I kind of like the femaleperson with the pony tail that bobs cutely when she jumps.
I'll get up the nerve to watch that woman who talks about sex. I don't know if I can talk about it in a family newspaper, though.
by CNB