Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, November 10, 1994 TAG: 9412070159
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: DAN CASEY STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
In terms of reader response to a tongue-in-cheek solicitation for new color schemes on the American Chemical Co. building, the answer is burned-up telephone lines, letter carriers with aching backs and skyrocketing sales of crayons and felt markers throughout the Roanoke Valley.
All together, 1,777 people responded via the mail and phone lines to the question: Which color would you paint the pinkish-orange and blue monstrosity along I-581?
"Oh my heavens! Oh my Lord!" exclaimed owner Georgia Anne Snyder-Falkinham, who intends to turn the industrial building into offices and apartments.
"I knew people didn't like the color of it. But I have no idea that many people didn't like it."
The telephone poll, which gave readers four choices plus "other," drew 1,705 responses. The winner by a landslide: the yellow, green and purple "Lemon Tree Look." A total of 1,184 callers chose that over the other weird color concoctions.
Running second, with 166 votes, was "other." Which brings us to the real weirdness: the 72 mail-in responses.
Judging from them, Western Virginia has a healthy respect for patriotism (red, white and blue was the most common entry) and sports teams. There were several entries favoring team colors of the Redskins and Dallas Cowboys, and one for the Virginia Tech Hokies.
But there is a sizable number of artistic miscreants out there. If they had their way, the building would be decorated with (take your pick) dinosaurs, a Pac-Man video screen, a bowling scorecard, or a deadly viaduct to nowhere (like you-know-what).
One man even suggested painting a giant toilet on the building, in honor of its former use as a janitorial supply depot.
"Also, if someone was lost, you could tell them, `it's three stoplights down the road. Hang a left a the giant commode,' "writes Paul Wesel of Blacksburg.
The staff was so impressed - and distressed - that no clear winner emerged. So we've broken down the entries into the following categories:
Most Creative Waste of Time. Without a doubt, this one goes to Mark Cline of the Enchanted Castle in Natural Bridge, a dinosaurs-on-the-mind kind of guy. Cline wants the old color scheme changed to that of a castle crumbling under the weight of Jurassic creatures.
"Just for fun, how about about placing the Valley View [Mall] dinosaurs on the building after they move them out to make room for the Christmas displays?" Cline writes. "On second thought, there'd be too many accidents on 581."
In the Philosophically Deviant/International category, the prize goes to the Rev. G. Wilson Gunn Jr., pastor of Peace Presbyterian Church on Cloverdale Road. Evidently, the good minister has been mired in an existential crisis since the Hunter Viaduct became the Hunter half-Viaduct.
Gunn's suggestion: the "The Jean-Paul Sartre No Exit Internal Combustion Engine Viaduct," an off-ramp the passes through the building and ends abruptly on the other side, dumping drivers into the dirt.
"This location would greatly enhance its appeal for motorists who will avoid congestion at all costs. Its name is also resonant with the international flavor established by Wonju Street further south," Gunn writes, signing off on the letter with a cheeky "Yours Not Too Sincerely."
The Blatant Conflict of Interest prize goes to local attorney Joseph J. Steffen Jr.
In a letter addressed "Dear Mr. [Paint] Job," Steffen suggested that Snyder-Falkinham paint the building hunter green with red, black and white trim, "the colors of our own Roanoke Express.''
"Besides, these colors are trendy, cool, pleasing to the eye and most important will cause pride to swell up in the growing number of faithful Roanoke hockey fans," Steffen writes.
Oh yeah, by the way, he's co-owner of the team.
The Most Ribald Award was also won by Steffen for his postscript, which can't be printed in a family newspaper.
The Xenophobic Mural Award is bestowed upon Jane Pilson, of Ridgeway, who suggests a mountain landscape on the side of the building facing I-581.
"Actually, I like the building pink," Pilson pens. "But the people from New Jersey who moved to Roanoke last year and now complain that all these new people coming in are ruining the place always mention the lovely mountains in their 'this is our backwater; let's keep it stagnant' letters [to the editor]. Maybe a mountain scene will shut them up?"
The Class Participation Award goes to teacher Kevin Spencer's fifth-grade class at Raleigh Court Elementary. They sent in 20-odd entries (participation was optional), many of which might have made Jackson Pollock jealous.
The kids even named them, like George Dickenson's Neon Fruit Drink Look, a collage of eye-popping shades that would make drivers reach for their sunglasses.
And they listed advantages and disadvantages for each one. For instance, Greg Cheatwood wrote that the chief attribute of his every-crayon-in-the-box Wild Look is that it would be "eye-catching." On the other hand, he notes, "It might make you jump!"
The I Love New York (Not!) Award winner is Dr. James W. Hawes, Professor Emeritus of Theatre at Radford University. His design: silver and gold, adorned with a heart, spade, club and diamond from a deck of cards and big black letters: "No Trump Tower."
"Why should the Star City be a supporting player to the Big Apple?" Hawes asks.
Finally, The Joystick Award was taken by Roanoke resident Samuel Bradford. Bradford's idea? Paint the building to resemble a huge Pac-Man screen in honor of the little yellow munchkin's entry into puberty.
"Some people in Roanoke will want to remember Pac Man, as designed by Midway Manufacturing Co. back in 1980, because in 1995 Pac-Man will be 15 years old," Bradford wrote.
Alas, Snyder-Falkinham is likely to veto our readers' suggestions. She's thinking more along the lines of basic sandblasted brick, perhaps an earth-tone color if sandblasting is prohibitively expensive, or maybe even a stucco-style facade.
Booooring.
The decision should come within a few months, she says.
Until then, stay tuned ...
by CNB