ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1995, Roanoke Times
DATE: Sunday, December 24, 1995 TAG: 9512220006
SECTION: BUSINESS PAGE: F-3 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: working it out
SOURCE: CAMILLE WRIGHT MILLER
Q: I've been told to take a class in assertiveness training. I do have problems making my feelings clear, but I don't think this is the answer. It seems I have no choice, however, so where can I find such a class?
A: Assertiveness is an approach to living and working that leaves the assertive individual enjoying an overall sense of well-being.
Passive individuals, on the other hand, rarely make their needs known. They "go with the flow," but often are frustrated - people don't recognize the needs of the passive individual, since they're never clearly voiced.
The aggressive individual makes his needs known - often at the expense of others - causing hostility from co-workers and leaving the aggressor angry, frustrated and filled with resentment.
Madelyn Burley-Allen, author of "Managing Assertively," defines assertiveness as an approach to interacting with others based on the following:
An active and initiating rather than reacting mode of behavior.
A caring position, emphasizing the positive nature of self and others.
Self-expression through which one stands up for his or her basic rights without denying rights of others and without experiencing undue anxiety or guilt.
A nonjudgmental attitude that diminishes the use of labels, stereotypes and prejudices.
Communicating wants, dislikes and feelings in a clear, direct manner without threatening and attacking.
Being given the suggestion to attend assertiveness workshops results from someone having witnessed behavior (passive or aggressive) that could damage your career. Follow up on the advice with a commitment to change.
Workshops and courses go in cycles. Assertiveness training is not trendy at the moment, so workshop sponsors don't have enough participants or interested parties to offer the class.
In the past, the Women's Center at Hollins College (362-6269) and Roanoke County Public Schools Adult Education (857-5040) have offered the course. If enough individuals express interest, they likely would offer it again. Or perhaps an on-site program for your organization could be worked out with the University of Virginia's Division of Continuing Education (857-7922) or Virginia Western Community College's Center for Business, Industry and Technology (857-7315).
Another option is to work with a therapist, meaning all of the work practice and insights are directed to your specific situation and needs.
In the meantime, visit your local library and review books offered on assertiveness. There are many excellent publications on the subject; find the one that makes the most sense to you. The results are truly worth the effort.
Q: I've been offered a chance to do some free-lance computer work for additional income, beginning in January. None of this will interfere with my job. Am I duty-bound to inform my supervisor?
A: Review your contract and the company's policy manual for a clause restricting or prohibiting secondary employment. If one exists, you could jeopardize your primary job.
If not, consider telling your supervisor anyway. Being up-front signals your trust in the company, brings attention to your need of additional income and challenges and uncovers any conflict of interest free-lance employment may present.
Monitor yourself to ensure that the additional work doesn't interfere with your primary job. Stress and secondary demands often mount and cause performance to suffer. Reduce the probability of burn-out or poor performance by ensuring that you attend, first, to your personal needs (sleep, nutrition, exercise), then to your primary job - and then to your free-lance work.
Q: I answer the phone in our office. I've made major errors in names on phone messages, and my boss is unhappy. I have a problem with spelling - on a computer this isn't a problem. This could cost me my job.
A: Keep a memo pad by your phone message pad. When taking information from a caller, first write on your memo pad. This gives you a base.
Ask the caller, then, "would you spell that, please." Make corrections on the memo pad. Spell the name back to the caller and repeat the phone number.
For messages beyond name and number, use the memo pad. At the end of the call, type them into your computer and run a spellcheck.
Once you're certain all information is correct, transfer it to the standard telephone message form.
Double-checking information, rather than making you look foolish, sends the message that you're competent and concerned about accuracy.
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