THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, August 30, 1994 TAG: 9408300047
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E2 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: LARRY BONKO
LENGTH: Medium: 97 lines
WHAT'S THAT Bruce Springsteen lyric about cable TV? Oh, yeah. Fifty-seven channels and nothing's on.
Dear Bruce: You're looking in all the wrong places.
Let me be your guide through the cable cosmos.
Here are 10 shows on cable guaranteed to capture and hold the attention of channel surfers with the itchiest of trigger fingers:
``The Honeymooners, '' WGN, Saturdays, 11 p.m. - It's been 43 years since Jackie Gleason first introduced bus driver Ralph Kramden to viewers on the Dumont network's ``Cavalcade of Stars.'' It's been almost 25 years since a new episode was shown. They're all in black and white, but viewers don't mind. They watch them again and again and love what they see. TV's best-ever sitcom? Maybe.
``Hee Haw,'' The Nashville Network, Saturdays, 10 p.m. - This pickin' and grinnin' version of ``Laugh-In'' lasted only two seasons on network television but prospered in syndication until 1992. The old shows are back on TNN, which means a reunion in the cornfield with Junior Samples, Lulu Roman, the Hager twins, Guinilla Hutton and the entire ``Hee Haw'' gang. The humor was dumb, so the show hasn't grown stale with age. The music was great then, and it's still great in reruns.
``The Daisy Fuentes Talk Show,'' CNBC, Saturday and Sunday at 8:30 and 11:30 p.m. - She's only in her 20s, but the buzz is that Fuentes will be the next big star in talk television. She first made an impression on viewers as host of MTV's ``Best of the Beach.'' She's smart, bilingual and looks terrific on camera. Her CNBC show is pitched to a young audience. Not long ago, a couple models named Lana and Tasha were on, saying that it isn't easy being beautiful. It isn't?! You try posing in greasy hair.
``The Gossip Show,'' E! Entertainment Television, Sunday at 11 p.m. - E! rounded up gossip columnists from coast to coast to dig up the dirt for cable. Watching this show saves you the expense of buying the National Enquirer. If you were tuned in last week, you would have learned that the Fox movie about O.J. Simpson will depict him beating his wife. And that Marlon Brando was seduced by his nanny when he was a mere youth. Joan Rivers tried a gossip show that flopped, but this one works because E! uses lots of sources for lots of material and applies the light touch.
``Politically Incorrect,'' Comedy Central, nightly at 11:30 p.m. Bill Maher is the sharp host. ``On our show, the issues get slapped around more than a red-headed stepchild,'' he says. Maher and his guests chat for 30 minutes about the news of the day and the people who make that news. His opening monologue is a bonus. The Clintons are so into the Hollywood scene, he said, that the president is thinking about naming a plastic surgeon general. Rim shot, please. The show will move to 10 p.m. starting Oct. 10, which gets it out of the Letterman-Leno crunch hour.
``Connections'' and ``Connections 2,'' The Learning Channel, Wednesdays at 8 p.m. - For my money, the host of this series, James Burke, is the most compelling figure on television. In these two programs, which TLC runs in seven-hour blocks from time to time, Burke explains how history is an unbroken thread and one thing is related to another in the past - everything from medieval Buddhist tea ceremonies to raincoats to blimps to imitation porcelain. This is a history lesson for people who hate history lessons. Get connected.
``On the Road with Charles Kuralt,'' The Travel Channel, Monday through Friday at 7:30 a.m. and 1 p.m., Saturday at 9 a.m. and Sunday at 9 a.m. On cable systems that carry the Travel Channel 24 hours a day, the show is on at 10 p.m. seven nights a week. Kuralt told me recently in Los Angeles that when he retired from CBS News a few months ago, he retired from TV, period. Though he's turning down offers to comb back and is holed up in his Manhattan apartment writing books, he left behind a wonderful legacy of offbeat stories from his ``On the Road'' segments for CBS. Thanks to the Travel Channel, you can climb aboard Charlie's bus once again in search of goat herders and mountain men who play the musical saw.
``MTV Sports,'' MTV, Friday at 11:30 p.m., Saturday at 10 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. - It's the kind of a show you expect from MTV: quick cuts, weird camera angles, flashy images, lots of movement. It's for jocks and jockettes with short attention spans. Dan Cortese is the driving force. He's frantic. Gabrielle Reece is on camera, too. Ever see barefoot water-skiiers pulled across a lake by an airplane? No? Then you've come to the right place. MTV Sports! Yo! ESPN-2 ripped off the bang-bang concept.
``The Hollywood Insider,'' USA Network, midnight, Sunday - The perfect show to watch before you start the work week. Light and fluffy. Host Shawn Southwick will never be in Mike Wallace's league when it comes to interviews, but who cares when watching a show like this? She tosses softball questions at movie and TV stars. You get to see the big names loosen up a little. Southwick also dips into the gossip bag every once in a while. This show is for people who find watching ``Entertainment Tonight'' too challenging.
``Real Personal,'' CNBC, 11 p.m. seven nights a week - Is this show ever really personal. Frank talk about sex. No giggles or cutesy dialogue here. Host Bob Berkowitz and his guests discuss subjects such as the sudden outbreak of group sex on college campuses. Berkowitz is a former news guy who dresses conservatively and never asks questions to get a cheap laugh. There are no laughs on this show. What's funny about bondage? Nobody admits to watching this show, but you know that everyone with cable tunes in. Bet you do.
Nothing on cable TV, Boss Bruce?
Check out ``Real Personal'' for starters. by CNB