THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, August 30, 1994 TAG: 9409010766
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY DEBRA GORDON, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 193 lines
EVERY NIGHT, 15-year-old Daphene Peters ties up the phone line for hours chatting with friends about boys, O.J. Simpson, television shows, clothes . .
Only instead of holding a plastic receiver to her ear, Daphene's fingers are flying over a computer keyboard, typing as fast as her mouth would have formed the words, inserting grins - :) -, frowns - :( - and even shrugs (shrug) as appropriate.
Jammed into the overstuffed plaid recliner in the living room, peering over her shoulder and interrupting every five minutes with suggestions of what Daphene should say (or type), are her 13-year-old sister, Tiffany, and her little brother, Wade II, 6.
Popping in and out for a quick peek at the screen is her father, Wade (also known online as ``Ren & Stimpy), or her mom, Sara (a.k.a. June Cleaver).
In the Peters house, traveling online is a family affair.
The family's IBM-clone computer, complete with super-fast modem, has replaced the television as the focal point in their tiny Virginia Beach living room; sparked a closer relationship among mom, dad and the teenage girls; and enhanced the entire family's social network.
To the Peters, the local bulletin board they subscribe to is great fun and a new way of communicating. They don't realize they're part of a growing trend in computer use.
More than 20 million household callers already ``log on'' to online computer services and electronic bulletin boards, says Jack Richard, editor and publisher of Boardwatch magazine. That number is expected to jump 50 percent in the next year.
And, more often than not, those households have multiple accounts - one for dad, mom, the kids, maybe even the dog (hey, there are lots of bulletin boards about pets).
There's even a new magazine just for computer-literate families. FamilyPC, a joint venture of Ziff-Davis Publishing and the Walt Disney Co., debuted Aug. 16. The first issue is jam-packed with projects families can do together on the computer, reviews of family- and children-oriented software, and a regular section called ``Life Online.''
``What's interesting about online services is their potential to bring families together, introduce people to other people that share their interests,'' said Joe Panepinto, senior editor of FamilyPC, based in Northhampton, Mass. ``It's become sort of a cliche to call online services communities, but when you start to think about what a community does, the metaphor is a fairly apt one. It's finding people who share a common interest, meeting other people and communicating with them.''
Some families go online to keep in touch with relatives, like Susan and Mike Burnett of Norfolk. With a touch of a button, the Burnetts can simultaneously send messages to their son in California; Susan's siblings in North Carolina, New York, Massachusetts and Iowa; and her nephews in Cambridge, Mass., Charlottesville and France, all via Internet e-mail.
``We didn't have a close family until we got on the Internet,'' Susan said. Before, the family only connected for ``big events'' such as funerals, weddings or graduations.
Now they keep in touch about life's little things, as when Susan's nephew went job hunting.
He messaged family members about every job interview and invited their feedback. As a result, said Susan, he received an enormous amount of support from relatives, all of whom celebrated cybernetically when he landed a new job.
``Everyone was a part of that process in a way they wouldn't have been otherwise,'' she said. ``He wouldn't have called or written to his aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters about every interview.''
Susan's son has even set up an Internet site where family members can fetch files and pictures.
They also have some ``unwritten'' rules for their communications. For instance, family members don't send thank-you notes via cyberspace; they still write the old-fashioned note.
``If we receive something by mail, we respond by mail. E-mail is too casual,'' Susan said.
Even in cyberspace, however, the inevitable family squabbles can occur. The Burnetts call them ``cyberspats.''
But unlike real-life communication, virtual communication allows family members who don't feel like talking to still keep up on the news by ``lurking,'' reading messages without adding any of their own.
And, like real-life quarrels, cyberspats, too, pass relatively quickly without harming the overall fabric of the relationships.
``We're an electronic extended family,'' Susan said. ``It's very much what an extended family would be if people lived closer together.''
For families who live together under the same roof, online services enhance existing relationships.
Ever since his 13-year-old son, Matthew, and 16-year-old daughter, Kalah, joined the Virginia Beach-based bulletin board he hangs out on, Mark Miles has felt closer to his adolescent children.
``It gives us something in common, something we can relate to each other about,'' said the Virginia Beach resident.
The Miles family hangs out on Genesys, where $5 a month buys up to five hours a day online and where their ``nom de plumes'' are Jazz Man (Mark), Highlander (Matthew) and Too Tall BBG (Kalah).
In the Miles home, as in the Peters home, the computer occupies center stage - smack dab in the middle of the kitchen, adjacent to the living and dining rooms.
It's on almost 24 hours a day. Either the kids are logged onto Genesys playing Wheel of Fortune or chatting with their friends, or Mark is discussing his passion for jazz, or the Miles matriarch, Dawn, is designing get-well cards for shut-ins from her church.
``You get to meet people and know them personally before you ever see them,'' said Matthew, explaining his fascination for the service. ``You aren't instantly judged by what you look like.''
But the relationships don't stop online. Genesys users meet weekly at Smackwater Jacks in Virginia Beach. They have a bowling team (the Genesys Board Busters). And on Memorial Day weekend, about 90 of the board's 1,300 members gathered for a huge cookout at Oceana Air Force Base.
Kalah Miles and Daphene Peters both met their current boyfriends online; cyber-romance, they call it.
``I hated him at first,'' said Daphene of 18-year-old Jason Nash of Virginia Beach. But after the picnic, as the two walked around picking up trash and litter, they hit it off.
Before her father let his daughter go out with someone she'd met online, however, he logged on and began asking around about this boy who wanted to date his daughter.
``I talked to 30 parents that knew him,'' said Wade Peters. The only negative response he received was from another kid who also wanted to date Daphene.
``If I hadn't been able to do that, I would have been more skeptical and wouldn't have let her go out, because we had a rule that she couldn't date till she was 16,'' Wade said.
Mark Miles checked out his daughter's current beau, 17-year-old Carl Hancock of Virginia Beach, in much the same way, even quizzing the board's operator about him. Carl checked out clean, and he and Kalah just celebrated their three-month anniversary.
Genesys co-owner Harold Scadden and his partners work hard to keep Genesys a family-oriented board.
Unlike many other bulletin boards, they don't have any ``adult rooms'' where pornographic or sexual conversations can take place; they occasionally monitor conversations for appropriateness; and they identify kids under 18 with an asterisk (*) by their name.
``We're not into censorship, but we are into control,'' said Scadden, whose online moniker is Mad Max.
``If someone makes an inappropriate comment to our daughter, (Max) lets us know,'' said Sara Peters. ``And if their dad or I catch an inappropriate remark, we tell Max, and he lets the author know what the consequences are.''
But even more important than the relationships the boards encourage online are the relationships they encourage within the family.
``It's a good way to keep up with the kids, to know what they're into and to meet their friends,'' said Sara Peters.
Before they joined Genesys, the Peters' kids, like most teenagers, spent much of their time holed up in their rooms. Now, evenings are spent with their parents clustered around the computer in their living room.
``We understand them better,'' said Wade, who often ``hides'' in some of the online discussion groups to keep up with what the kids are talking about. It's a level of knowledge he could never gain if they disappeared to their bedrooms with their friends.
That's important, said FamilyPC's Panepinto, who added: ``We really emphasize parental responsibility; for parents to be familiar with online areas. You want to know where your kids are going, be it physically or virtually.''
Mark Miles concurred, saying, ``I know where they're at and who they're with and what they're doing.'' MEMO: Genesys may be reached online at 499-9101 for 2400 baud and 473-9593 for
14,400 baud. ILLUSTRATION: RICHARD L. DUNSTON/Staff color photo
Matthew Miles, 13, operates the computer he shares with his father,
Mark, and sister Kalah.
Color photo
IAN MARTIN/Staff
Clockwise from lower left, these computer lovers are Stacey Hackett,
Sara Peters, Wade Peters, Charlie Worley, Wade Peters II, Freddie
Hackett III, Harold Scadden, Fred Hackett II, Jason Nash, Daphene
Peters, and in, the middle, Candi Worley, left, and Tiffany Peters.
Graphic
TIPS FOR FAMILIES TRAVELING ONLINE:
Set limits for your kids. Most online services charge by the
hour.
When school starts, set the same guidelines for computer use you
do for television use - not until the homework is done. But keep in
mind online services can be terrific resources for homework
assignments.
Be aware of where your children travel when they're online. There
are several utility programs you can buy to ``lock out'' your kids
from certain services or areas; most of the national online
services, such as Compuserve and America Online, offer controls for
parents to limit their children's access.
Make the computer a family affair. Bring it out of the back
bedroom into the kitchen or living room. Find places to travel
online together; make the effort to meet the people your kids are
chatting with online, to ``shoulder surf'' when they're logged in to
see where they're visiting.
by CNB