THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, November 4, 1994 TAG: 9411030060
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: LISTEN UP!
LENGTH: Short : 50 lines
DEAR SMITHA AND JONATHAN,
I have a problem with my mother snooping around my room when I'm not there. I know that she does because things are out of order when I get home, and she finds out personal things about me. How do I get her to respect my privacy? - Invaded
Dear Invaded,
All of us feel hurt and often even angry when our personal space has been invaded. Your room is your small corner of this world, and it is understandable that you seek to keep it, and everything in it, as private as possible. For many people, the desire for privacy marks the first step into adulthood, and separating ourselves from our parents, teachers and even friends every now and then is the best way to find out who we really are.
Although no one has the right to snoop through your belongings, you should probably look at this situation from your mother's point of view. A few years ago, you probably came e running home to tell her everything about your day. Now probably its more like your mom is saying, ``You won't even tell me who you're talking to on the phone!''
This unwillingness to talk about your life and friends forces your mother to come to one conclusion - you have something to hide. She is most likely snooping through your room to put her fears of you doing drugs or robbing banks to rest.
You are absolutely justified in requesting privacy as long as you ask in a diplomatic way. Sit your mom down and explain (nicely) that you feel betrayed when she looks through your room without your permission. Make it clear that you aren't hiding anything from her. Tell her that you are just setting a small part of yourself, and your thoughts, aside for YOU. You can also ease the suspicion and tension at home by being more open about the many aspects of your life: your activities, your friends and your feelings.
The more your mother feels she knows you, the less she'll feel the need to get her information by snooping. Also, remember to try to give people what you ask of them: Respecting your mother's privacy should encourage her to respect yours. MEMO: Smitha Gottimukkala is a senior at Norfolk Academy and Jonathan Kolm is
a senior at Tallwood High. Their column appears biweekly in Teenology.
They accept questions on INFOLINE. Call 640-5555 and enter category
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23462. by CNB