THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, November 15, 1994 TAG: 9411150041
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY DENISE WATSON, STAFF WRITER
LENGTH: Long : 176 lines
``MOM. WHY IS HIS skin so dark?''
The question was about my 2-year-old son but directed at a woman standing behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the deep red creeping from the woman's collar into her cheeks; her young son continued to tug at her pant leg.
``Jimmy. It doesn't matter what color he is,'' she said over a nervous giggle. ``He's a little boy like you.''
I took my son by the hand and turned him around to face Jimmy.
``His skin is dark because my skin is dark. We're black,'' I told Jimmy and his mother.
``He's black because his parents are black just like you're white because your parents are white. And his skin is beautiful just like yours.''
Jimmy's mom was speechless and a lovely crimson by now, but according to the experts, I did the right thing.
Living in America means being in a society where many of the folks don't look like you, talk like you or walk like you. Being parents in America means being able to explain these differences to our children.
And the job starts early.
Research shows that as early as age 2 1/2, children become aware of gender, race, ethnicity and disabilities. They know that some people have curly hair, that others have straight hair. And they notice that some people wear leg braces. When parents send mixed messages or negate their children's questions, these differences become the basis for discrimination and prejudice.
``Children become aware at an early age, but they're just aware. They don't attach any meaning to it until we - society, parents, teachers, books, the media - begin to indicate somehow that one group is less than the other,'' said Darlene Powell Hopson, practicing clinical psychologist and author of ``Raising the Rainbow Generation.''
``People often advocate this color-blind society; they think it teaches people to be more accepting and actually we think it does the opposite. . . . We believe we can teach people to look at the commonalities among ourselves, but please appreciate and celebrate the differences and not look at the color, culture or background as something we need to minimize.''
Teaching children to survive in a multicultural society isn't only practical but necessary. Klanwatch, a department of the Project of the Southern Poverty Law Center in Alabama, reports hate crimes have remained at record levels across the country for the past two years - with 30 homicides in 1993 as a result of a hate crime.
A New York Times/CBS News poll conducted in May 1992 found that a majority of those polled thought the Los Angeles riots of 1992 were only a ``warning'' of future violence. Respondents said the biggest difficulty was ``a lack of knowledge and understanding of each other and how to solve the problems.''
Fifty-three percent of whites and 55 percent of blacks said, ``There will always be a lot of prejudice and discrimination in America.''
``The issue is overcoming the bias that is present,'' said Carol Brunson Phillips, executive director of the Council for Early Childhood Professional Recognition.
``That's why we talk about (diversity training) to give children the tools we need to prevent the problems that are already being perpetuated.''
The first step is for parents to look at their own behaviors and biases.
Do you attach to groups of parents and kids of the same race when you go to parties or the playground? Do you tell ethnic jokes or laugh when others tell them? If you don't laugh at them, do you stand by passively and listen to them? Do you allow others to tell ethnic jokes in front of your children?
``One young man told me that his parents always told him to treat everyone equally, but when they got in the car and drove through black communities, he could hear the electronic doors closing,'' said Beverly Greene, certified clinical psychologist and associate professor of psychology at St. John's University.
``It was a little thing, but it sent the message that black people were to be feared.''
Avoid positive stereotyping. Comments like, ``Those black guys are really good at sports,'' or ``Asian kids are so smart,'' seem complimentary but are inappropriate because they generalize about an entire group.
Re-evaluate the environment you've created for your children. Who are their friends; do they live in neighborhoods that are racially segregated?
Analyze your children's toys and the programs they watch. Do all of their Barbie dolls look the same? How often do they notice Latino, Asian and nonwhite characters in animated films? When they do, how are they portrayed? How often are minorities used on news shows and documentaries as examples for the country's social problems?
Carol Russell of Norfolk remembers taking her son to a clothing store and feeling him grab at her hand as a couple of men who looked of Arabian descent passed. She asked her son what was wrong.
``I'm afraid they're going to hurt us, Mommy. They might shoot us or try to take us away,'' Russell recalled her 5-year-old saying.
``I thought about it and realized the only time he sees people from that part of the world is on the news or in a cartoon or movie, and they're always bad guys. I hadn't thought about it before, but he made me think about the kinds of messages he gets.''
Russell later took her son to the library to get books about Middle Eastern culture.
The National Association for the Education of Young Children based in Washington suggests books, toys, drawings and photographs, programs that reflect diverse images that children might not see elsewhere. Include men and women in nontraditional roles, people of color in leadership positions, people with disabilities doing activities familiar to children and varieties of family composition (single-parent homes, grandparents living with their children).
``We need to expose our children to ordinary life patterns of diverse people,'' Phillips said.
``Not just the exotic, not just the holidays and cultural celebrations but ordinary things. Simple things like books written in different languages.''
Schools also need to be held accountable.
``In July 1992, the school board of Westfield, Mass. debated a proposal to ban from first- and second-grade classrooms any teacher who spoke English with an accent,'' relays Hopson. ``The leading supporter of the proposal was the city's mayor. Fortunately, the school rejected the proposal.''
Parents and teachers need to ask questions: Are female students encouraged to take nontraditional classes, such as body shop, math and science? Do teachers offer opportunities for interracial, mixed-gender groups to work on assignments together? How do school personnel handle name-calling? How multicultural is the school curriculum? Does your child only study Indians around Thanksgiving?
``When I got to college, I took my first women's studies class and realized I hadn't heard any of these names or the accomplishments of these women when I was in high school,'' said Dawn Freeby, a junior at Old Dominion University.
``Just looking at the curriculum shocked me, African-American studies, a whole women's studies major, you wouldn't have realized there was that much history. . . . I had to go to college and pay money before I found out this basic history.''
Parents also need to keep lines of communication with their children open to discuss these issues and answer questions.
``Many people feel if you talk about it, it will make things worse. Parents genuinely want a just society, but there some things that aren't nice to notice,'' Phillips said.
``It wasn't nice to notice that someone had a handicap, not nice to notice someone's skin color. Well what it does is kind of mystifies these things for young children and doesn't help them to learn healthy attitudes.''
Psychologists say open communication is particularly important for parents of minority children.
``I think one of the things in preparing minority children is negotiating racism,'' Greene said.
One 12-year-old African-American male was stopped recently in Virginia Beach as he was riding his bike through an affluent residential area. The person asked why he was there because ``he evidently didn't belong there.''
``I was hurt. If he had been white, no one would've stopped him, and I have to try to explain that to him,'' said his mother, Delores Reed.
``He was just passing through because it was a shortcut, but now he's afraid to ride anywhere; he's extremely hurt. He's only 12 years old.''
Greene said incidents like this are quite common.
``Racial socialization is learning to expect that they will not always be regarded on their merits and that it is important to do the best they can regardless,'' Greene said. ``It's important to teach them that they will have feelings about it and that it's OK to be angry.''
Greene says parents can model good responses to racism by taking children with them when they confront the offender or address the issue.
``The question is what to do with that anger, how to do constructive things with that.''
The same question is raised with the topic of ``reversed discrimination,'' white children who feel slighted in the age of minority scholarships and programs slated specifically for people of color.
Psychologists suggest talking about the history of racism and why the programs have been necessary.
``Reversed discrimination is a response to affirmative action. You have to explain that we've had affirmative action for years. It's been called racism,'' Greene said.
``Realize that there are fewer minority scholarships than there are generally other ways of getting into college.''
Phillips says the key to raising children in a multicultural society and dealing with its challenges is open dialogue and correcting problems that arise. It's necessary to provide children with healthy images of themselves and those around them.
``Just generally be open to a variety of conversations, look for a natural time to discuss injustice and how to make changes and things you don't believe should happen.'' MEMO: For more information contact, Teaching Tolerance, (205) 264-0286 or The
National Association for the Education of Young Children, (202)
232-8777. For more ILLUSTRATION: Color illustration by Kelsey Newman
by CNB