THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, December 9, 1994 TAG: 9412080049
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E13 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Jennifer Dziura
LENGTH: Medium: 72 lines
PEOPLE LOVE their telephones. Even those who don't have the ability to play Simon and Garfunkel songs on their keypads generally spend quite a bit of time with a phone receiver pressed into their facial flesh.
It is perhaps the innate love between humanity and their telephones that causes a reader of The Virginian-Pilot/Ledger-Star to occasionally dial Infoline. If you've been living in a Thermos, or if you usually read only the comics, you may be unaware that Infoline is a number one can call (640-5555) to find out what Damian is going to do to Luke on ``General Hospital.'' Or one can call to comment on issues addressed in my columns.
In my last column, I likened the self-adhesive stamp to the ballpoint pen, which, I claimed, ``made life easier in the 1880s.'' An anonymous reader called to say this: ``Jennifer, the ballpoint pen was not around in 1880. It wasn't around in 1890, it wasn't around in 1900, it wasn't around in 1910, or 1920, or 1930. It didn't come along until the end of the 1940s, and it cost $15 for one of them leaky things.''
I listened to this comment with great interest, checked my original research and discovered that the ballpoint pen was indeed invented in 1888 by John J. Loud. This may seem insignificant, but I mention it for two reasons. First of all, you may someday appear on ``Jeopardy'' where you'll need to know who invented the ballpoint pen. Secondly, I would like to confirm that life was made easier by the advent of the ballpoint pen in the 1880s, even if the only life so meliorated was John J. Loud's.
Commenting on the self-adhesive stamp column were several philatelists who informed me that in 1974 the government issued peel-and-stick Christmas stamps, but they didn't work too well. Was the world of 1974 just not ready for unperforated stamps that didn't taste like liver-flavored cough syrup? Apparently not. ``The 1974 stamps deteriorated very easily,'' said one caller.
A column on Nov. 11, ``le insulting of the English language,'' contended that Americans do not value their language nearly as much as they value, say, those gold chains some people put around their license plates. My point was presented perfectly, although unintentionally, by an irate Infoline caller. I give you her quote in its original, beautiful, untouched form: ``The other thing is, you know, I don't, like, think the English language is being, like, ruined.''
Remarking on the same column was Scott Henrickson, 24, who intensely dislikes the pronunciation of the word ``library'' as ``liberry.'' Although I don't know anyone who commits this atrocious mispronunciation, I strongly believe that ``liberry'' is a term appropriate only for usage by a select few Disney characters, with the prerequisite that these characters have fur and have not yet attained the age of 6.
``You'll find tacky but not palm trees at the Beach'' was another recent column. I argued that many souvenirs sold at the Virginia Beach Oceanfront are, well, stupid. A 26-year-old caller named Laura was quite offended that I had criticized Virginia Beach souvenirs adorned with palm trees. This seemed to me a completely reasonable complaint, as palm trees, like flamingoes, have about as much to do with Virginia Beach as, say, the League of Arab Nations.
``I have a lot of relatives from New York,'' said Laura, ``and taking the little kids to Jungle Golf is a big adventure for them. There are palm trees at Jungle Golf, and kids like to remember them. Thank you.''
If you love your phone as much as John J. Loud loved his writing utensils, perhaps you'll dial the magic numbers and leave a message on the Jennifer Dziura feedback line (640-5555, code 6778). Comments on the general state of the world as we know it are welcome. MEMO: Jennifer Dziura is a junior at Cox High School. Her column appears
bimonthly. Call her at the above number or write to her at 4565 Virginia
Beach Blvd., Virginia Beach, Va. 23462. by CNB