The Virginian-Pilot
                             THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT 
              Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: Saturday, March 11, 1995               TAG: 9503100087
SECTION: DAILY BREAK              PAGE: E5   EDITION: FINAL 
COLUMN: Issues of Faith 
SOURCE: Betsy Mathews Wright 
                                             LENGTH: Medium:   84 lines

HOW TO MAKE GAYS A PART OF CHURCH LIFE

LAST WEEK'S COLUMN drew lots of varied responses. First, however, let me restate what last week's column was about - or more to the point, what it wasn't about - since a little less than half of the 106-and-still-coming responses seemed to misunderstand the topic.

The topic was not: What do you believe the Bible says about homosexuality? The topic was not: Do you believe homosexuality is a sin? The topic was not: Do you believe homosexuals have a place in the community of faith? Those may be worthy issues of debate, but they were not the issue brought forth last week.

The topic was: If you believe as I do, that homosexuality is not a sin and therefore homosexuals should be a part of the community of faith, then how can this ``mainstreaming'' best be achieved?

Beth Costea of Virginia Beach found the process difficult, but rewarding.

``Two years ago, our congregation council voted to accept two gay men as individual members. The resulting backlash, led by a few, was an ugly, petty mess. About a quarter of the congregation resigned. . . . But where is our (Lutheran) church now? In numbers, we are bigger. In budget, we are stable. In atmosphere, we are friendlier. In the Gospel, we are stronger. In some ways we are like the Phoenix. Having had the fight over the admission (of homosexuals) brought us face-to-face with the realization that these people are just like us: baptized children of God trying to make our way in the world. . . . ''

David Rudiger of Virginia Beach had a similar experience. He encourages homosexuals not to give up the fight:

``I witnessed our church (Presbyterian) wrestle with issues of including homosexuals in the activities of the church as well as considering the proper position of our denomination on the question of whether homosexuals are inherently sinful. . . . One of the things which seemed to most belittle the arguments of those opposed to homosexuals was the vibrant example of Christian living shown by several homosexual members of our congregation. None could argue against the living testimony to faith exhibited by these individuals.

``This journey for the homosexual community will be long, for prejudices and fear disappear slowly. I hope that the homosexual community will heed your words and hold fast to their faith to create an example with which the `straight' community cannot argue.''

A handful of readers, including Andrew Stoll of Elizabeth City and the Rev. Joel T. Luetke of Virginia Beach, charged that I had intentionally limited my audience in order to limit the responses. They are right, but I felt it was necessary for a focused debate.

To spur that debate, I stated my opinion that full acceptance of homosexuals into the community of faith depends on positive personal encounters. I then laid out six steps that homosexuals can take toward such positive encounters. I did not mean to infer - as believed by Scott King and Vivian J. Paige, both of Norfolk, and a few others - that these steps are not already being taken. I know firsthand that they are.

Neither was it my intention to set up a double standard for homosexuals and heterosexuals. Often in this column I identify steps for people of faith. I believe we all need constant reminding of the simple, basic steps. The six steps toward positive encounter could be embraced by every person of faith dealing with the problem of acceptance.

Bottom line: Despite any official edicts of your church, it's still a personal struggle.

Listen to Alice E. Taylor of Virginia Beach: ``My partner and I have been ordained elders in the Presbyterian Church for years. When each of us were ordained, the pastors and the ruling elders of the church we were in at the time knew we were lesbians. We served communion, stood for baptisms, taught Sunday School classes, women's studies and Lenten studies. We sang in the choir, worked with the hungry and the homeless and participated fully in the church, all from the door of the closet in order to fulfill what we believe to be a call on our lives.

``We have been in this church for over 11 years. For the first eight years, we lived a quiet, hidden life. Some would say it was a life of lies, even though we had the same address, same telephone number, came and went to all church functions together. At that time we were more than acceptable to the congregation, but for the past three years, we have been open and vocal (about our being lesbians) and we (have become) unacceptable people.

``We did not change who we were. We just came out into the fresh air and sunshine so folks could see we are not the kind of people they say we are. I learned there is a cost to bringing about justice. . . . Your article asked (open) lesbian and gay folks to come back into the life of the church. I'm not sure you know the price that is to be paid for what you are asking.'' by CNB