THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, June 23, 1995 TAG: 9506230025
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E12 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: LISTEN UP
LENGTH: Medium: 56 lines
DEAR SMITHA and Jonathan,
This is probably a really stupid problem, but I am desperate! Ever heard the saying ``Sweet sixteen and never been kissed?'' Well, that's me.
I don't know what I have been doing wrong, but I have never had a boyfriend. I'm not ugly or stupid or boring (at least I don't think I am), and I've tried everything from smiling and looking interesting to initiating conversations. Maybe it's because I don't drink or do drugs. How do I get a boyfriend? - 16
Dear 16,
You say ``this is probably a stupid problem,'' but it is the most frequent one we get on the Infoline. Trust me, you are not alone. There is no magic formula for getting a boyfriend or falling in love. A lot of it just has to do with timing, but here are a few things that you may want to think about.
Getting a boyfriend is not something that you can control. Being friendly, outgoing and open-minded can increase your chances of meeting a guy, but for the most part, love's about timing, chemistry and luck. It may happen to you today, tomorrow or 20 years from now. So if you are setting deadlines for having a boyfriend, you are being unfair to yourself and are adding unnecessary pressure to the situation.
Sometimes the more you look for love, the more it eludes you. Try putting your energy into more productive things that will make you feel good about yourself, such as reading, hanging out with some good friends, joining clubs and playing sports. No matter what you choose to do, remember that what's important is that you feel good about yourself. The more self-confidence you have, the more guys will be attracted to you.
Another thing to remember is that things are just as rough for the guys. There are probably many guys who are just as shy and scared of rejection as you. Be open-minded and you may find that there are some pretty great guys you haven't noticed before.
No matter what, changing yourself to make yourself more attractive to a guy is simply not worth it, especially if it concerns drugs, alcohol or sex. The relationship won't last if you can't be yourself. No guy is worth risking your mind, body and self-respect.
Although you don't have boyfriends, it doesn't mean you can't have boy friends. Love comes when you least expect it, often just when you stop looking. So relax, be patient and be yourself. Make sure you aren't spending so much time looking for a boyfriend that you miss out on everything else. MEMO: Smitha Gottimukkala is a 1995 graduate of Norfolk Academy. Jonathan Kolm
is a 1995 graduate of Tallwood High School. Their column appears
biweekly in Teenology. They accept questions on INFOLINE. Call 640-5555
and enter category 8335. Or write to them at 4565 Virginia Beach Blvd.,
Virginia Beach, Va. 23462.
by CNB