THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, June 24, 1995 TAG: 9506230069
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E5 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Issues of Faith
SOURCE: Betsy Mathews Wright
LENGTH: Medium: 86 lines
CHALK IT UP to the busyness of Father's Day or to summertime slugishness, but the mail bag was a bit light this week. Only three letters - no faxes, no calls, no computer messages - came in this week, and only one of the three dealt with last week's issue of children's needing two parents.
Sharynli Kantor of Virginia Beach wrote: ``Once again you have written a thought-provoking column. . . . You paint a very nice picture of an `ideal family.' You are very fortunate that your children are being raised in such a wonderful environment.
``Too many children have no such experience. Often one good parent is better than two who fight and argue constantly, putting down each other and the kids, and commit acts of violence against each other. That is no way to raise emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy children. Parenting is more than creating a child. It is what happens after the child is born that is parenting. Too many people are not mature enough to handle the challenge of raising children and should never have them in the first place.''
I agree 100 percent! Like many people, I have often wondered why you need a course and a license to drive but nothing to become a parent. Yes, it would be virtually impossible to regulate human sexuality so as to prevent pregnancies by inexperienced or abusive parents. It would, however, be possible to require that people take a parenting workshop before allowing them to leave the hospital with their bundle of joy. But then that would take more government and more law, which are two things I adamantly oppose.
What's the answer? I believe it lies with people of faith. When's the last time your house of faith held a parenting class? When's the last time your house of faith offered a support group for new parents? When's the last time your house of faith reached out to unmarried teen parents?
I'm not talking about allowing a Lamaze class in the fellowship hall, having a one-shot speaker on parenting skills or sponsoring a Mother's Morning Out program. They are good things, but they are not the ongoing, intensive parent training needed by our society today.
If your church, temple or synagogue is doing this, let me know. That kind of program deserves some attention, and I'll do a future column about it.
If not, why not mention it to your clergy person or bring it up in your Sunday school class or study group. It could change quite a few lives.
Now, the rest of the mail bag. From Marilyn Nicodemus of Virginia Beach came a letter about the two columns I wrote about my in-laws by my first marriage.
``Your loving words, sharing your experiences, inspired me to share your article with my in-laws. . . . I have also been blessed with wonderful in-laws. They've known me since I was 16, and I'm now 42. Almost three years ago, my husband went through a midlife crisis and we divorced. . . . My in-laws have remained my `other parents' through all this turmoil.
``They have been there for my teenage children and me as if the divorce never occurred. They are retired and live in Pennsylvania; however, the distance between us is only in miles. They have always been important to my children and me, and we've vowed we won't lose contact. We need them, and they need us too.
``I've been dating a wonderful man for the past year-and-a-half. He's as understanding about my in-laws and our relationship as your Bernie is. My in-laws have welcomed him into the family with open arms, and he has graciously accepted them. Bill and I will marry sometime this summer, and they have encouraged us and given our marriage their blessing.
``I know how much they all truly love me and my children, and we, in return, love them the same. They are my family. They've been there in good times and bad. They've comforted me, encouraged me, but most of all, they've loved me as their own.''
From John David Spangler of Chincoteague came these thoughts about my recent column on the death penalty: ``It is my opinion that one, if opposed to the death penalty, cannot make exceptions. I pray that if ever directly confronted with a situation where circumstances - such as what occurred in Oklahoma City - argue strongly against principle, I would have the courage to choose principle.
``Two additional points . . . One: The death penalty fails as a deterrent to crime and would certainly not have deterred the one which took place in Oklahoma City. The second point is that it could be argued that the death penalty is an escape from punishment.'' MEMO: Every other week, Betsy Mathews Wright publishes responses to her
opinion column. Send responses to Issues of Faith, The Virginian-Pilot,
150 W. Brambleton Ave., Norfolk, Va. 23510; call (804) 446-2273; FAX
(804) 436-2798; or send e-mail to bmw(AT)infi.net. Deadline is Tuesday
before publication. You must include name, city and phone number. by CNB