THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT 
              Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: Saturday, October 7, 1995              TAG: 9510060007
SECTION: FRONT                    PAGE: A12  EDITION: FINAL 
TYPE: Editorial Notebook 
                                             LENGTH: Short :   50 lines

NOT BY PHONE

Americans lose $40 billion a year to slick phone salespeople, according to a Knight-Ridder News Service report in this paper last month.

Some telephone salespeople could talk ice out of melting on a hot day.

Over the past decade, the money my wife and I have lost to phone salespeople totals . . . let me see . . . zero.

We don't buy anything over the phone from strangers. We don't give to anybody we don't know over the phone.

Our standard line is, ``Thank you for calling, but we never buy (or give) over the phone.''

There are honest telemarketing companies and dishonest telemarketing companies, and we usually don't know which are which. We don't explain all that to the salesperson, however. We just say that we don't buy over the phone.

If the salesperson says, ``But this offer is one time only,'' I say, ``That's nice, but I don't buy over the phone.''

If the salesperson tells me I've won something, I say, ``I never accept gifts over the phone.''

We also don't buy at the door, except from neighborhood kids. Occasionally, while distracted, I'll tell someone at the door that I don't buy over the phone, or I'll tell someone over the phone that I don't buy at the door. But the confusion is soon straightened out, and I escape without buying anything.

I try to be polite. The caller, after all, is trying to make a living and may well be honest. Still, my conversations with phone salespeople last only seconds.

Never argue with phone salespeople. If the salesperson asks, ``Why don't you buy over the phone?'' the best answer is, ``I just don't. Goodbye.''

Those few magic words - ``I don't buy over the phone'' - could save Americans $40 billion a year.

As part of his job, the late great consumer writer and Cubs' fan Robert Geske used to buy or win things over the phone - though with the newspaper's money, never his own. He got a copier that wouldn't copy and all manner of strange stuff. He was amused by junk he hadn't paid for with his own money.

I never asked, but I doubt he ever bought anything over the phone at home.

I buy at stores. If something doesn't work, I can go back to a store.

PATRICK K. LACKEY, staff writer by CNB