THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, October 14, 1995 TAG: 9510130154
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 55 lines
NOW THAT O.J. has backed away from an NBC-TV interview, wonder what's next? Wait a minute . . . I've got it. What about THE O.J. CHRISTMAS SPECIAL?
Imagine O.J.'s agent on the horn with an NBC vice president.
Agent: We're not comfortable with the show's opening, Al. Frankly, we don't think it's good taste for him to come down the chimney of a house wearing the red ski cap and carrying a sack.
V.P.: We've been through this before, Phil. Don't like opening scene . . . right?
Agent: Right. And then there's the very next scene where Kato Kaelin is in bed wearing a long nightshirt and hears a thumping sound on the roof. We don't care for that either. Particularly where he pounds his fist against the wall, describing what the reindeer thumps sound like.
V.P.: I see where you're coming from, Phil. But Kaelin is under contract.
Agent: Maybe he could end the show. Dress him up like Tiny Tim, you know.
V.P.: Not a bad idea. But you've forgotten we already have an ending. Johnny Cochran is going to be dressed in a red ski cap, asking the jurors to send a message. Then the jurors hold up cards like students at a football game that spell out ``Happy Holidays Everybody!'' Any other gripes?
Agent: Not gripes but concerns, Al. There are a lot of people in costume in this show. To be honest, his lawyers are afraid that Marcia Clark or Tom Brokaw might wear an elf suit or dress up like Rudolph and ask the Juice a question. O.J. couldn't handle that. He might freak.
V.P.: Trust me, it won't happen Phil. Don't wanna chap you, fellah, but this is the second opening you've vetoed. And the first one was great.
Agent: You can't be serious. You mean showing reruns of that footage of the slow-speed chase by police cars following the Bronco on the freeway?
V.P.: Yeah. Then we'd have O.J. seen inside the Bronco with a gun to his head. And the jury packed into the van behind him. When the cop sticks his head in the door, O.J. pulls the trigger and a flag drops down from the barrel saying, ``Welcome to the O.J. Christmas Special.'' The jurors would pile out of the van and break into ``Winter Wonderland.'' It'd be dynamite.
Agent: If it gives O.J. a fit, you have to omit, to coin a phrase.
V.P.: Have I been faxed O.J.'s greeting?
Agent: No, but you're gonna love it. O.J. speaks directly to people behind bars at Christmas who haven't the money to buy a dream team. He tells them never to lose faith in the system - even those serving life sentences or on death row - because he never did.
V.P.: Nice, very nice.
Agent: Yeah, I know. When it's over, F. Lee Bailey wants to sing ``Silver Bells.'' by CNB