THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, February 18, 1996 TAG: 9602150027
SECTION: REAL LIFE PAGE: K1 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: HE SAID, SHE SAID
SOURCE: KERRY DOUGHERTY & DAVE ADDIS
LENGTH: Medium: 68 lines
KERRY SAYS:
Dave, I guess you've read about this guy in New Jersey who's suing his wife for divorce because he caught her engaging in ``virtual sex'' on the Internet.
You're a semi-smart guy with a big computer - clue me in. What in the world is virtual sex?
But even without knowing precisely what was going on I think I can guess. And I've got to tell you, I'm with Mr. John Goydan 100 percent.
Mrs. Goydan is lucky her husband didn't slip in at night and trim off her fingertips.
This whole thing is ridiculous, Dave. At a time when all we read about is how time-starved Americans are, we've got a whole segment of society with so much time on their hands they're engaging in virtual sex on their computer screens.
This transforms the information superhighway into a back alley through the red-light district.
I'm not knocking computers. I'm writing this column on one right now. But I've always suspected that most computer types waste a lot of time on them. Peek over their shoulders and they're playing poker or solitaire - if they're not making electronic love.
Imagine poor Mr. Goydan's chagrin when he found out his wife wasn't laboring over spreadsheets and databases late at night.
I don't blame him for feeling betrayed. It's bad enough when your mate sneaks around with another human, but cheating with a PC is worse. What man wants his wife firing off a bunch of gigabytes and hoping to get love-bites in return?
Computers are fine, Dave. They save time, make some jobs easier - but they can't replace human contact.
And what's Mrs. Goydan going to do during a power failure?
DAVE SAYS:
Slow down, there, pal. Worrying if a spouse is cheating on you with a computer chippie only proves that some people don't have enough real stuff to worry about.
Virtual sex - ``cybersex'' is what they call it on the 'Net - requires folks to sit alone in a room at night and fantasize themselves into a breathless tizzy.
Most of us don't enjoy that. It reminds us too much of our junior high school days.
This is a sign of how far we have regressed in the past 30 years, Kerry. When I was 16 you could get a new car for $2,500, and that gave you at least a fighting chance of connecting with a cheerleader in the back seat.
Now, you spend $2,500 for a computer, another $300 a month in phone bills, and what you get is a fighting chance to connect with a cheerleader who lives in Idaho. And it's probably not even a cheerleader. It's probably a plumber named Mel with a warped sense of humor.
This is all just speculation on my part, Kerry. The closest I've ever come to a relationship involving my computer is that I sometimes mutter off-color words at it. Which is something I never even did to my ex-wife.
(Actually, my computer causes me far more grief than my ex-wife did. It is more stubborn, it is less dependable, and I suspect it has better lawyers and would require a much bigger settlement if I tried to maneuver it out of my house.) by CNB