THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1996, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, May 13, 1996 TAG: 9605110092
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E2 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Bonko
LENGTH: Medium: 73 lines
I HAVE BEEN scared half to death watching local television news this month. If the bugs don't get me, I fear the burglars will.
Lisa Joyner was on WAVY the other day, asking this question: ``Will you be the next victim of invisible invaders?'' Channel 10 sent Joyner out with a hidden camera to find germs.
WAVY made it such a big deal - ``Don't miss our special undercover report!'' - you would have thought the station nailed a crack-smoking mayor.
Joyner had us spooked with her stories about ``the everyday places we go that might make us sick and rob us of good health.'' From the serious look on her face, I thought she was going to deliver a story about an outbreak of germ warfare at the Norfolk Naval Base.
Instead, Joyner told us something we learned when we were little. Wash your hands often because germs are all around us - on telephones, door handles, in public bathrooms, on automated teller machines.
THAT'S WHY GOD GAVE US AN IMMUNE SYSTEM, LISA! THAT'S WHY GOD INVENTED LYSOL, LISA!
WTKR sent one of its reporters, Arnell Dimaandal, out on a special assignment called ``Beat the Burglar.'' Channel 3 invited a dude behind bars in Virginia Beach named Carl to tell how easy it is to rip off homeowners and tourists at the Oceanfront.
THAT'S WHY GOD INVENTED BURGLAR ALARMS, ARNELL!
This is sweeps silliness, when local stations will do anything short of ordering the anchors and co-anchors to strip on camera in order to jack up the ratings. It wouldn't surprise me if one of the anchors went out and tried to be a policeman or a fireman for a day as a ratings' stunt.
You say that Cynthia Lima of WVEC has already done something like that? She ate smoke on camera? So, what's next? Her colleague, Barbara Ciara, bungee-jumping on the 11 p.m. news in the spirit of Hampton Roads?
The local stations put on these ``special reports'' to tease and titillate, and even scare viewers into watching during this most important ratings period of 1996 - when next year's advertising rates will be determined.
It's bad enough that the 6 p.m. news on WTKR and WAVY has evolved into a lottery - ``Call and say, `I saw my lucky number on News Channel 3' '' - but do these stations have to insult the viewers by passing off something like Joyner's ``Invisible Invaders'' report as something important?
How do the stations come up with these desperate ideas for sweeps' sweeteners? ``We sit around a table and brainstorm,'' said one local news director.
One of his reporters had trouble finding a baby sitter. That led to a special report on creative care for the very young and elderly.
I'll buy that report. And I paid attention to the specials that Mike Lewis of WVEC did called ``Pipeline into Hampton Roads,'' which were about the high volume of drugs that come through our ports. However, there was nothing original in showing how well drug-sniffing dogs did their jobs.
The station's special on Bethel High and Georgetown U. basketball-star-turned-pro Allen Iverson was a timely ``Hoop Dreams'' sidebar to a breaking news story. But where was an Iverson interview?
WVEC's Mike Gooding, in his report on People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals relocating their headquarters to Norfolk, suggested that PETA may make trouble for Virginia's new pari-mutuel horse racing business. Interesting.
He also showed me Mary Tyler Moore's discarded fur coat. But he didn't explain why PETA had it. Why is TV news so shallow?
Also from Channel 13, I learned that co-anchor Terry Zahn is such a Parrot Head - Jimmy Buffett fan - that he owns 79 Buffett CDs. From Zahn's report, I got the impression that there are as many Buffett fans around her as burglars out on bail and invisible invaders.
Where's my Lysol? by CNB