DATE: Monday, October 13, 1997              TAG: 9710120002

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: LARRY MADDRY

                                            LENGTH:   83 lines

SINK YOUR TEETH INTO SOME FUN WITH GOOFY TOOFYS

WELL, I'D BEEN looking for a Halloween subject to get my teeth into. And here it comes, ready or not.

Fresh from the factory at Goofy Toofys we have a pair of novelty teeth in The Marv model, a spoof on the dentals-in-the-derriere misdemeanor of a well-known former NBC sports broadcaster.

Yesss!

Why fool around with vampire choppers and the like when you can have your very own Marv teeth to freak out all the kids and adults in your neighborhood?

The Marv was inspired by a pair of Virginia dentists who, when it comes to bad taste, know as much about it as anybody.

The teeth are but one of many bizarre novelties from Goofy Toofys, based in McLean, Va. The company produces a line of practical joke over-the-teeth dentures that are either crooked, mangled, discolored or misplaced.

Dan Tessauro, Goofy Toothys president - also a marketing director for a health-care firm - says the company's line of practical-joke dentures are so realistic they often shock and baffle onlookers.

``Because the denture-quality teeth look so real and disgusting, people often look away, pretend they didn't notice you, point and stare, and always treat you differently,'' Tessauro says.

``But they tend to laugh hysterically when they realize the teeth are not real,'' he says.

And if you don't like The Marv, there are plenty of other models to choose from - depending on the event you intend to attend and who you are grossing out.

Models include the Oral Contraceptive, Double Wide, Hangover, Moonraker (metallic), Dorsal Fin, Principal's Office, Bermuda Triangle, South of the Border (gold and gold trimmed teeth, one having a five-pointed gold star in the middle) and World Trade Center.

Easily applied after dunking in hot water, the novelty teeth may be hard on the eyes but are easy in the mouth.

The makers of Goofy Toofys say they are excellent blind date insurance and guaranteed to ward off unwanted sexual advances.

``And you'll never have to worry about sharing your coffee cup with someone else in the office,'' Tessauro claims.

Farah Farhoumand, a dentist from Vienna, Va., said she and a colleague - an orthodontist - produced a couple of pairs of goofy teeth made from dental materials about two years ago as a joke.

``We used them wherever we went, and people laughed at them and asked where they could buy a pair like them,'' she said.

The teeth attracted so much attention that she and Tessauro thought there might be a market for them. (The oldbuild-a-better-mouth-trap-and-the-world-will theory.)

Farhoumand uses the Goofy Toofys as an icebreaker for her new patients. ``At first they have shocked looks on their faces when I walk in. Then they really laugh,'' she said.

She says many dentists have begun ordering the Goofy Toofys. And she has received few complaints about them, she says.

Oh, yeah?

(I like Dr. Farhoumand but believe she is living in a fool's paradise. Wait until the National Alliance for Oral Compassion and Mouthal Sensitivity gets wind of this. There will be bomb threats and pickets around the factory.)

Goofy Toofys' products are made in Springfield, Va., by a dental-products firm that also makes partial and full dentures for Dr. Farhoumand's patients. Although the goofy teeth have only been on the market for two months, the dentist says sales are good.

One of the most popular is the World Trade Center. (The effect is that of a pair of long bunny-like teeth emerging from regular ones.) But other strong sellers include the Dorsal Fin (kinda like having shark teeth in your mouth) and the Principal's Office (hard to describe but just think of someone named Ratso and you get the idea).

The teeth are available with a number of attractive options: heart insignia, star, gold tooth and gum disease. Farhoumand says gum disease is a must for that full-impact effect.

If you'd like to order a pair of these extremely realistic choppers, the price is $29.95 (includes free gum disease and a handsome orthodontic retainer box). Mail orders to The Original Goofy Toofys, c/o Faradan, Inc., P.O. Box 3472, McLean, Va. 22103-3472. Toll-free call: (888) 4Toofys (866397). Or on the World Wide Web, you can go to www.telecreation.com/goofytoofy

Dr. Farhoumand says buyers of the goofy teeth write to say how pleased they are with the product.

``I guess the funniest was from a basketball player who said he wore his Goofy Toofys while playing basketball at a rec center,'' she recalls. ``He said no one guarded him because they thought he was mentally challenged.''

Well, shut my mouff.

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