Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: FRIDAY, March 23, 1990 TAG: 9003231757
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: B1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ed Shamy
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
The 76 ballots cast established some very clear trends.
First of all, an astounding 87 percent of the respondents need serious psychiatric counseling.
Secondly, 91 percent are curmudgeons: "Where do you get off telling me what kind of language I can use? You're not my English teacher! A.S. Blacksburg."
Thirdly, 20 percent of the respondents babbled on incoherently for a couple of paragraphs but never got around to casting ballots.
And finally, lots of people used their ballots to air powerful socio-political grudges.
Some examples:
"In Ro-Noke, do not indicate the affluent South Section as being down, this might infer the Northern area residences on other side of the railroad tracks as more Up. E.J.R., Ro-Noke."
"Any place that is a big important city you go up to. I go up to Roanoke . . . but I go down to Radford. K.J., Blacksburg."
"I go down to Roanoke because Roanoke looks up to Blacksburg because we are the best. J.A., Blacksburg."
And my personal favorite, from some joker from Short Hills, N.J.: Hey, watch what you say about sea cucumbers."
Here are the findings:
From here on in, if you live in the New River Valley, you will refer, simply, to traveling to Roanoke (55.3 percent). Sizable minorities favored going down to Roanoke (19.6 percent) and up to Roanoke (16 percent). There were also a few fourth-party candidates - out Roanoke, toward Roanoke and over to Roanoke sharing about 9 percent of the vote.
Any New River resident caught disobeying the plebiscite will be exiled to Eagle Rock.
Roanokers had a tough time voting. Many wrote, but few were rational, and only five actually expressed a preference.
An example of a vote that couldn't be counted:
"We prefer into the city and out in the country, not to mention down to the sea. J.M., Roanoke."
Roanoke's final tally: Forty percent travel to Blacksburg; 40 percent go up to Blacksburg; 20 percent drive over to Blacksburg.
Roanoke Valley residents wishing to cast the sixth, and tie breaking, ballot may do so now, via the mail. Remember, be coherent.
There were, of course, your offbeat entries, too, and authorities have been alerted as to the identities of these voters.
A few examples:
"First I go down, then up, then down again. I wouldn't like the new road to come in, because then I would have to go up, down, up, down, up and then down again. I would get carsick. M.F. Blacksburg."
The question has " . . . caused me to seek counsel from a psychologist. The $75 piece of advice was to eliminate the words up, down, over and back from my vocabulary. L.B. Christiansburg."
"If'n I had a notion to go to Blacksburg I'd probably go over to it through Floyd County, but said notion is not likely. W.R., Boones Mill."
To Blacksburg. To Roanoke.
The people have spoken.
by CNB