Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, April 1, 1990 TAG: 9004010081
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: B1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
But here goes: Ruby, you have a better chance of getting into VMI next fall - should you choose to apply - than I do of winning big in the Virginia lottery.
It's like this. I spent my 100 bucks and you are not going to get much of a cage for the $32 I salvaged after two weeks of reckless gambling.
These impressive winnings were all accomplished on ruboff instant games. The most I won at a time was $5 on a Photo Finish ticket.
Since I last reported to you and the hundreds of women out there who are absolutely dying to run away with me regardless of my lottery skills, I have had a letter from Ken Thorson, the state lottery director.
That is, it was a joint lettter delivered by fax to me and Ed Shamy, the carpetbagger who thought up all of this and has in past weeks portrayed me as a cretin, a dirty old man and a money-mad dreamer.
I am not going to say anything more about Shamy because I don't need a headache right now.
Thorson wrote that the idea of playing the lottery is to have fun, not to win big.
Keep that in mind, Ruby, if he ever gets too close to that miserable cage you're living in on Mill Mountain.
"Just like you, most people do not win a big prize," Thorson wrote. I'd say he got that right.
"In your heart of hearts," he said, "you know that this short-term experiment proves nothing, whether you won big or won nothing at all."
OK. I wish this guy could be around when I try to get $100 in gambling expenses past the accounting department of this newspaper.
I'm pretty sure there is no account number for: Beagle - Gambling, Losing Shirt.
But let's give the lottery director credit, Ruby. He said the lottery wanted you to come out a big winner.
"Act prudently," he wrote.
Shortly after that, I went into a scratching frenzy and spent $15 on ruboff cards in one blinding moment.
This unusual behavior made me a $2 winner in Photo Finish. Another two bucks showed up in Play TV.
Such excesses are not part of my usual tranquil nature and I still feel guilty.
I laid off the numbers games, Pick-3 and Lotto, after taking a bath on three occasions, and thus, Ruby, we won't have Lotto to sweat out again this time.
Ken Thorson may be right, though. I have had a little fun playing the lottery.
Oh, maybe not as much as I had the morning I put the drops in the wrong eye, but this little gig has had its moments.
And to be fair, my fine tigress, you have to agree that Thorson is right when he says we have at least given the state some money for its general fund.
Unfortunately, as far as I know, this does not include any capital outlay for a new cage.
I hope you will agree also that, although we are pitiable as lottery players, we have fought the good fight.
During this campaign, I scratched tickets while lying on what appeared to be my death bed - the greatest station wagon driver of them all having made a special run to buy them for me.
And remember, Ruby, it matters not who won or lost but how we scratched those cards.
by CNB