
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SATURDAY, April 7, 1990                   TAG: 9004070012
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: E-1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

HOW ABOUT A BIMBO'S DAY?

Just when I had decided that I would be brave and manage to live without Brent Musburger on the tube, I saw the following paragraph from a news release from the Greeting Card Association:

As temperatures climb and "spring fever" sets in, most of us start anticipating shedding winter woolies and the leisure of warm months ahead. Greeting card publishers, however, are gearing up for a busy holiday season, beginning with Easter in April and continuing through May and June with Mother's Day, Secretaries Day, Graduation and Father's Day.

And there you are shedding your woolies and everything and I'll bet you forgot about Secretaries Day.

Not to mention forgetting all those devoted people who will be very busy making big bucks at least until the end of June.

Well, as we used to say in Radford:

If a kiss from you I borrow,

How are things in Glockamorra?

I don't know. I think they missed a few greeting card occasions in there.

They didn't, for example, have anything to say about St. Swithin's Day, which is July 15 and isn't really that far out of the greeting card timetable.

Maybe they ignored St. Swithin's Day because it's kind of hard to write verses about it.

And St. Swithin's Day is one of my favorite holidays, if all of you mothers and fathers will excuse me.

I would like to suggest that we have an Aunt Zelda Day during that period and maybe an Uncle Ignace Day.

I would also like to say that these greeting card people are nuts if they think that the summer months - that's after you take off your woolies, you see - are leisurely.

I guess none of these people ever went into heat prostration or cardiac arrest from unsucessfully pulling the starting lanyard on a lawnmower.

You know. A Father's Day card that says:

Dear old Dad, you're always there,

We hope you'll soon be out coronary care.

Leisure, indeed. Any of those sissy greeting-card poets wants to come by my house some Saturday, I'll put 'em to work on that brush pile that has been growing since 1979.

They are not talking here to some uninspired person who sits around the pool with a bunch of bimbos all summer.

Listen, I know that an idle mind is the devil's playground.

But seriously, guys. Why don't we have a Bimbo's Day?

Just be careful and don't get it close to May 13, which is Mother's Day.

by CNB