ROANOKE TIMES
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SATURDAY, May 12, 1990                   TAG: 9005120044
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: E-1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium


Let's shoot Rocky Rambo into the ozone Earlier in this miserable year we're having, I warned you that it was possible Sylvester Stallone might make a movie in which he would play Edgar Allan Poe.

It seems we have more trouble than that, pal.

Now we are told that Stallone definitely is going to make another Rambo film with an ecological theme.

"Rambo IV" with an ecological theme? Think of the plot for that one:

This guy is getting ready for work and he is using aerosol deodorant. The door to the bathroom explodes.

There is Sly, ammunition belts crossed over his chest, biceps bulging, and looking fierce.

When Sly looks fierce, he resembles a fourth grader whose teacher has just asked him to name the fourth president of the United States and the kid is trying to come up with an answer.

Acting talent aside, Sly knows about automatic weapons. He grunts and our deodorant user takes several rounds. The bathroom blows up.

In the next scene, a young mother is leaving the supermarket with a huge box of plastic diapers. She puts the box into a Volvo station wagon, which explodes along with tne entire shopping mall.

Exxon's main headquarters then blow up, along with a dozen service stations crowded with commuters pumping their own gas.

We then move to the office of the chief of police, where an emergency meeting is being held.

"We've got to stop him," the chief says. "He just blew up this guy who accidentally caught a dolphin in his tuna net."

They decide that the only thing to do is send for Richard Crenna - who was in Viet Nam with Rambo, as you will recall - and has some influence with our hero and has kept him alive for "Rambo IV."

Crenna, wearing a real neat-looking uniform, catches up with Sly just after he has blown up three persons who were smoking Camels and spreading passive smoke around.

"I know where you're coming from," Crenna says. "But this isn't the way.

Sly then assumes a tortured look, which means that once more he looks like a fourth grader who doesn't know his presidents.

"Jeez," our hero says. "We gotta stop soilin' our nest heeh on Oith."

"Right," says Crenna. "But let's talk this over."

If we're lucky, Stallone will now be as bored as we are with Rambo and will have him blow up himself and Crenna - thus doing away with any reasonable expectation of "Rambo V."

But don't count on it. We thought we'd seen the last of Rocky Balboa years ago.



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