Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, May 15, 1990 TAG: 9005150112
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: JOE KENNEDY STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
Western Virginians may wonder what he's talking about, for many of them have what Oldenburg calls "Third Places" where they can relax away from work and home. Unlike the sociologist, though, they choose not to do their fraternizing in the bars and taverns that make him rhapsodic.
They prefer coffee shops, country stores, restaurants, senior citizen centers and Happy's Flea Market.
Eight of 29 readers wrote to suggest churches as excellent spots to get to know people away from the dispiriting atmosphere of workaday life. Church is the one obvious institution that the Florida sociologist never mentioned.
This does not mean his words were without merit. Certainly it is more difficult to get to gathering spots today than it was in the days when neighborhoods were entirely urban and people lived in a specific place for most of their lives.
But the respondents demonstrated that where there's a will, there's a way. And that, no matter how many sociopaths may populate the evening news, man is still a social animal.
"My Third Place is in a building that is 1.5 years old, has mauve carpet everywhere and has a roof that amplifies raindrops," wrote Emily Hamilton of Roanoke. "But those are insignificant details . . . because it's the people that matter."
She is talking about Faith Alliance Church on Barrens Road.
Mattie F. Campbell described the teachings, the entertainments, the meals and the peace she finds at her Third Place, Oakland Baptist Church in Roanoke.
"I know of no other place where we can learn the true meaning of life," she said.
Anne Weaver said First Baptist Church on Third Street in Roanoke has a full schedule of activities extending far beyond the Sunday morning service: "There are no strangers here and the conversation is loving and challenging."
For Diane Palmer of Goodview, Parkway Wesleyan Church on King Street in Roanoke is "the one place besides my home where I feel I truly belong and feel that I can find true peace, friendship and love."
Richard J. Mayes, a member of North Roanoke Baptist Church, took issue with Oldenburg's emphasis on taverns and bars, listing a number of social problems exacerbated by alcohol abuse.
"When you go to church you will leave renewed, uplifted and in a better frame of mind than when you went in," he wrote. `When you leave a bar or a tavern, except for the alcohol you consumed or the diseases you came in contact with or the drugs you picked up, you will leave just as empty as you went in."
James A. Ford wrote on behalf of Christ Episcopal Church in Roanoke and Frances Feagans said the Unitarian-Universalist Association of Roanoke is another friendly spot, with activities conducted throughout the week in a comfortable atmosphere.
"Church," said an anonymous correspondent, succinctly. "Mine happens to be South Roanoke United Methodist."
Oldenburg makes much of the desirability of being ourselves, without regard to education, income and neighborhood.
One woman called to say support groups provide that opportunity. She specifically recommended Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon as "the safest place to go when you have no place else to go."
AA has more than 70 meetings per week in the Roanoke Valley. Al-Anon has more than 40.
"It's a place where people understand what you say and share their experience, hope and strength," she said.
Others had other suggestions.
"When I can no longer face the loneliness of my little corner here in southeast, I head out to Happy's Recreation Center," wrote Thelma B. Evans of Roanoke. "Remember," she advised, "some of us old people are left alone and cannot keep going to bars or bistros."
George Cromer of Waynesboro likes Happy's, too.
Mary Lewis, a retired widow, likes the Fred Astaire Dance Studio in Roanoke. "When I go there, I meet a room full of friends."
Naomi Smith had praise for the bridge sesssions at Salem's Senior Center on Monday mornings from 9:30 to noon. "It starts our week off in a happy mood," she said.
Suzanne Ross wrote of the creative activities available at Roanoke County's Pinkard Court Leisure Arts Center, where she is an instructor. There are no strangers there, she said.
Elizabeth Stone of Copper Hill says the Friday Night Jamborees at Cockram's Store in Floyd feature live bluegrass music, flatfoot and clog dancing, as well as an audience ranging in age from infant to 90.
"It is hard to describe the warmth and good times had by all," she said.
Other towns have other attractions.
Virginia Bethune recommends the Renaissance Restaurant in Pulaski, describing its fine service, gourment food and classical background music.
Two readers touted the North Star Restaurant in Buchanan for its delicious food and friendly people.
Terry Tucker said Dee's Village Shop is "the meeting place of everyone who works in, lives in or passes through Fincastle."
There, you often have to claim your food when it leaves the grille, for orders don't always get written down. You also are trusted to tell the truth when it's time to pay.
J.W. Sapp is a newcomer to Roanoke who goes to Angelo's Mexican-American Restaurant in Vinton. "The many everyday `regulars' are very friendly . . . they have become my family here."
Vinton also has Cundiff's Drug Store, where up to a dozen old-timers gather at 8 on many a morning to spend an hour to trade stories and help George Bush with the nation's problems.
Two suggested destinations can be found in Salem. Dennis Davis likes the atmosphere of the Cin-Ter Tavern, and Robin Allison goes to Mac & Bob's for the banter and the food it serves.
Then, of course, there were the old reliable spots. Edgar and Hazel Patterson and Roy Basham are regulars at Roanoke's Krispy Kreme donut shop.
Another correspondent, "just another senior citizen giving a few words of praise," wrote pages on the virtues of the Roanoker Restaurant.
A Roanoke political figure said the Deli Shoppe at Walnut Avenue and Jefferson Street has good pizza and sub sandwiches, while Aesy's Confectionary combines lawyers, Knights of Columbus members, "at least one local politician" and media dweebs under the surveillance of Josephine Aesy Thomas, herself an institution.
Five writers said Bishop's Lounge on Franklin Road offers entertainment, Chinese food, overstuffed chairs and oldies music, plus an atmosphere where an unescorted woman can feel comfortable.
And then there were the offbeat suggestions.
You might not think of the Appalachian Trail as a social hot spot, but Ed Wallace of Roanoke said once you start a hike on it, "you can leave cares and restraints behind, even if just for a little while."
You meet people there, he said, and most of them at least say hello.
Oliver McKagen of Blacksburg said traveling on his Honda 500 cc Interceptor motorcycle gives him "a sense of oneness with the universe that is otherwise felt only by a saint in transcendental rapture." He didn't say anything about meeting other people.
Finally, the irrepressible John Sabean of Roanoke deplored the notion of publicizing Third Places, envisioning nothing less than a catastrophe.
"For about a month the parking lots of all those places will be filled with . . . you guessed it . . . BMWs, Mercedes, Acuras, Volvos, Saabs and a scattering of Wagoneers," he predicted, painting a sickening scene of "bored, boring, narcissitic, rude, loud, intoxicated mutant cretins" looking for stimulation.
"Fortunately, their attention span for any new location is only about a month long. But for that month it will be THE YUPPIES FROM HELL DISCOVER AND OVERRUN THIRD PLACES."
by CNB