Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, May 22, 1990 TAG: 9005220050
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
"What now?" the driver asked.
"Well, I became enraged by one those family features on HBO and I started zapping channels and there she was," I said. "I hope I don't offend you if I say that she was, well, that is, bra-less in some of the scenes. For some reason, the name of the song was `Vogue.' "
"Gracious, how interesting," the driver said, reading the soil analysis reports the extension service did.
"I mean, it was one thing to dance around showing her navel or wearing her brassiere on the outside," I said. "It is quite another to do some of the things she does now that she's big time.
"I suppose, however, that she has to do something to take peoples' minds off the fact that she can't sing. Sounds like that girl who used to sing `Empty Saddles in the Old Corral' in the fourth grade.
"Needless to say, this girl kept her navel to herself."
"Aha," the driver said. "We need some lime over there on the hill where all those pine trees died."
"Right after that disgusting video episode, I read the San Francisco Chronicle's review of her `Blond Ambition Tour,' " I said. "From what I could figure, the show is kind of a musical `Debbie Does Dallas.' "
"And I was right about the azaleas," the driver said mysteriously.
"The reviewer said she was `sui generis,' whatever that means," I said. "It may have been a reference to one of those brassiere-shaped like cones or one those golden bustiers, if you'll pardon me."
The driver continued to ignore me - which she always does when I talk about Madonna, which is not very often. Honest.
"I just happen to have a copy of the review," I said. "Let me just read this here. It says: `Like a hula dancer's, her hands constantly fluttered around her face, slid up and down her body . . .' Well, you get the idea, I guess."
"Is this conversation going anywhere or what?" the driver asked.
"Well," I said. "I understand that the `Blond Ambition Tour' will not play in Roanoke, which is a good thing because the cops would close it down - `sui generis' or no `sui generis.' "
"Oh," the driver said. "I'm glad you told me that. Old silly me. I would have lined up at dawn to buy a choice seat."
I didn't tell the driver about the reviewer's description of Madonna's behavior as she sang "Like A Virgin" while lying on a red satin bed.
Let's just say that it makes showing your navel about as naughty as an episode of "Babar" on HBO.
by CNB