Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: FRIDAY, June 8, 1990 TAG: 9006080708
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV1 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
SOURCE: FRITZ RITSCH SPECIAL TO THE ROANOKE TIMES & WORLD-NEWS
DATELINE: BLACKSBURG LENGTH: Medium
Her husband has cancer of the esophagus. He has lost 55 pounds since January. Acquaintances ask her in parking lots if her husband is dead yet. And the woman, a nurse, "is having a little problem with the oncologist," who she thinks neither listens to her nor tells her anything.
"Last night," she says calmly, "I just got hysterical."
The other four women, members of a new cancer support group in the New River Valley, admit that they have not had the same problems with their doctors.
Group facilitator Dorinda Miller tells her that hospital staffs are prone to "protect-the-doctor syndrome" and "run interference" for him. It is best, they all agree, for the woman to make an appointment and to talk to him personally about her concerns.
Two months ago, this woman would have had no one to tell about her troubles with the doctor - at least no one who understood. That was before the Radford-Montgomery unit of the American Cancer Society started "Coping," a support group for cancer patients and their loved ones.
The group meets on first and third Wednesdays, first at Radford Community Hospital and then at Montgomery Regional Hospital in Blacksburg.
The group helps patients, families and friends give each other "mutual support . . . to explore coping strategies," Miller said. "It's a place to vent, be understood."
Sandy Whisnant, a Montgomery Regional oncology nurse, used her position as service and rehabilitation representative for the American Cancer Society board to push for the support group's formation.
She had heard many of her patients who were involved in other bereavement groups complaining that they "didn't have much in common" with people who had other diseases and felt left out.
Whisnant found a sympathetic ear in local cancer society Director Shari Stepnick.
"When I came here I was astounded that a community this size didn't have a cancer support group. . . . I felt the need was there."
It was decided last summer to form a support group, and Whisnant headed a search committee to find a facilitator. Miller, a clinical psychologist who had worked with bereavement groups, was selected.
Miller emphasizes that the group is not only for cancer patients, but also for family and friends.
People who are trying to support cancer victims "are going through a difficult process," Miller said. They wonder how to deal with the patient's mood swings.
Family and friends go through anticipatory guilt, overprotectiveness, and occasionally withdraw from their loved one as they learn how to deal with the illness.
"They need to learn how to make the cancer patient feel better," Miller said. "It's hard to stand by and do nothing."
At a recent meeting in the surgical waiting lounge at Montgomery Regional Hospital, five women from different walks of life met to share their stories of living with cancer.
Two women had husbands who were suffering from the disease. Two were supportive friends. One wheelchair-bound woman with short-cropped gray hair and a strong demeanor is recovering from months of chemotherapy.
"The doctor told me I am 150 percent cured!" she announced emotionally.
One of the advantages of such a diverse group, says Miller, is that everyone can teach one another. Cancer patients and their supporters can tell one another about their struggles and concerns. People in remission can encourage those who are not as far along. And people who are dying can have a group that they can depend on that understands what they are going through.
"Preparing for the eventuality of death . . . is what we all have to contend with when faced with cancer," Miller said.
Those who aren't ill often respond with fear. They need to learn how to overcome that fear to help the cancer victim. Those who have cancer, Miller said, learn that "you can be ready and prepared for any eventuality, but still have hope" of a full life and possibly even recovery.
Miller said she admires cancer patients and their families and has learned a great deal from working with them.
"Just because you have cancer doesn't mean everything else in life stops," she said. "You can still live a regular life."
For more information about the Coping support group, call the American Cancer Society at 382-9384.
by CNB