Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, July 2, 1990 TAG: 9007020155
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: A-3 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ed Shamy
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
\ Answer: In Dallas, Texas.
\ The Truth: That is the truth.
\ Question: Why did you go?
\ Answer: Because I heard Texas was calling itself the Lone Star State, too close to our moniker, the Star City of the South. I went to set the record straight and to knock some heads.
\ The T: I had a free ticket on American Airlines - not valid on American Eagle - and the easiest day trip was to Dallas/Fort Worth from the Piedmont Triad International Airport near Greensboro.
\ Question: So? How'd it go?
\ Answer: Fresh off the jet at 10:30 a.m., I sauntered into a saloon at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport, which is the size of West Virginia. I threw back a shot of rotgut, beat the mesquite out of some cowboys and forced the rest of 'em to sing the chorus of "Carry me Back to Old Virginny."
\ The T: It is amazing how a cold beer on a 100-degree day can soothe even the angriest beast. Too, to be surrounded by a couple dozen million Texans has its mitigating effects. And sitting in Sonny Bryan's Smokehouse, the seamiest Texas barbecue joint this side of the Pecos - or that side of the Pecos, whichever - the mind wanders from confrontation to beef. Medium rare.
\ Question: Have Texans ever heard of Roanoke? Of Virginia? Of the United States of America?
\ Answer: Yes. Yes. No.
\ The T: Roanoke is a town about 30 miles from Dallas - a 14-second drive in Texas. Virginia is considered yet another lovely state not to visit. The YOU-natted states of huh?
\ Question: Can Dallas hold a candle to Roanoke?
\ Answer: Roanoke has trees and mountains. Dallas has weeds and tabletop topography. A '65 Dodge pickup is still respected in Roanoke. If you don't have a 1990 Porsche or Corvette, you stay home in Dallas. Roanoke has First Fridays at Five. Dallas has Every Day at 4:30 - so many bars for mingling singles that they - the bars with singles inside - could be stacked atop each other to build a staircase that would reach the moon. In fact they should be stacked and sent to the moon. Roanoke's tallest building - 14 stories. Dallas's tallest building - 72 stories, and like the rest of the city it is connected by underground pedestrian tunnels to shops, parking garages, restaurants and office towers. It's a durned good thing, too. Wrinkled clothes and disheveled hair, easy to accomplish in withering, shadeless Dallas heat, are grounds for the death penalty in Texas.
\ The T: Can't tell the truth any straighter than that, pardner.
\ Question: Did you get homesick, Ed?
\ Answer: Only once, in the Greensboro airport I heard: "The USAir ground crew thanks you for flying with us today. We apologize for the delay. . ."
\ The T: You have to slip and slide with some barbecued ribs at Sonny Bryan's to answer that for yourself. Or gulp down an icy Lone Star Beer from a frosted mug at Adair's Bar. (Graffiti spotted on the ceiling there: "Where the hell is Bedford?") Or see those wide bleached streets lined with $200,000 ranch homes that here would sell for $95,000.
More dispatches from Texas next time I need a column topic.
by CNB