Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, July 19, 1990 TAG: 9007180092
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
You've been thinking all this time that you were going to be make it as one of George Bush's "thousand points of light" and what happens?
You get blamed for the state of Virginia running out of money, that's what.
Paul Timmreck, Gov. Wilder's secretary of finance, said this week that "taxpayer behavior" is the reason the state will come up a billion bucks short in a three-year period.
I tell Mr. Timmreck now that I behaved as well as I knew how during the last fiscal year.
I did kind of overdo it buying a new lawn mower, but that should have helped the state with its sales tax money.
I really think most Virginians tried not to misbehave.
But, most Virginians join me in detesting anything that has to do with the tax powers of the state, and they are going to be confused.
If this "taxpayer behavior" theory gets established, we're going to have fist fights everywhere.
Two lifelong friends, for example, are having a little toddy after work.
"You know something, Herman," one of them says, "your behavior has besmirched the dignity of a commonwealth that goes back to the days of Thomas Jefferson. You ought to be ashamed of yourself."
"Yeah, well, try this on for size," Herman says, knocking his lifelong friend off the bar stool.
There will also be trouble in the average Virginia home:
"Your behavior is so bad even the state has noticed," says Cassandra to her husband Trevor. "I know what you did. You wrote off that trip with your secretary to Bermuda and screwed up the tax estimates.
"And you call yourself a Virginian, you philandering churnhead."
"And I know what you did," Trevor says. "You let that CPA you're sweet on talk you into holding on to your capital assets and fouled up the estimates."
"Yeah, well, I'd like to know what assets that cretinous secretary of yours has that I don't," Cassandra says.
Everybody knows that Virginians are true-blue and very sensitive, and many of them are going to feel guilty:
"Don't try to talk me out of it, Pansy. I'm going down to the tax office and admit that my behavior has been abominable.
"A man can't live with a thing like that, Do you hear? Ahahahahahahahahah!"
As usual, I don't have the slightest idea of what to do.
I hope we get through this without having to sell the Capitol or George Washington's statue.
In the meantime, behave yourselves, for pete's sake.
by CNB