Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: TUESDAY, February 5, 1991                   TAG: 9102050274
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

WOULD SOMEONE TELL ME WHY I GO ON LIVING

One of these days I would like to know what kind of diseases these centers control, but that, as politicians used to say back in my time, is not germane to the issue at hand.

I may have dislodged my brain a little by working my jaws on all of this gum since I quit smoking in 1986, but this latest report seemed to say that I already killed myself 20 or 30 years ago.

(Talk about jaw work. I retired as the champion in nicotine-gum chewing.)

Smoking-related deaths are up - you can always use a little good news at the start of February - the centers said.

And, the Associated Press quoted Dr. William Roper as saying: "The problem is, we are now paying for what happened 20, 30 years ago when large numbers of people smoked in large amounts."

Did I take this as a signal that since I obviously would never see the 21st century and maybe not even next Christmas, I might as well stop by the Orange Market and buy a couple of packs of Winston Light 100s?

I did not.

Everybody who knows me comments sooner or later on how iron-willed I am.

Besides, they tore down the Orange Market to make way for this new highway - the construction of which causes the kind of traffic delays that make you die for a cigarette.

Did I rush down to the store where I buy my Brut splash-on lotion and buy a carton of smokes?

No.

Do you have any idea what a carton of smokes costs now? Let's just say the money you save on cigarettes can buy enough Brut splash-on lotion to make you smell good for a very long time - if you have that long.

No more nicotine for me, boy - although I may be doomed.

Oh, sure, the doctor said it was still a good idea for anybody 25 or 85 to stop smoking - which is a pretty cruel thing to say to a man who has already killed himself.

But we have to realize that there are people out there who have not been schooled in the rigid discipline of a Radford Bobcat.

"To hell with this, Maude," one of these wimpy persons is liable to say. "I'm getting me a carton of non-filtered Lucky Strikes. I figure I might as well die with some smoke coming out of my nose."

Well, we don't want any of that stuff around here. I'm not suggesting that anybody keep smoking or start smoking.

And that's all I've got say because I think I had better start saving my strength.