Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, February 9, 1991 TAG: 9102090111
SECTION: YOUR WEDDING PAGE: W-21 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: ASSOCIATED PRESS
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
The number of mixed marriages has grown steadily since 1910, says Tom W. Smith, director of the General Social Survey at the National Opinion Research Center, a non-profit social science research center at the University of Chicago.
Among married people born between 1960 and 1970, 33.5 percent were raised in a different religion from their spouse. That's almost double the 18 percent born before 1910 whose birth religion differed from their spouse's.
The numbers show an orderly progression, with greater intermarriage in each decade, and there's a similar pattern in marriages between spouses of different ethnic makeup. However, the incidence of black-white intermarriage is extremely small.
As mixed marriages have grown more common, Americans have become more accepting of them. When asked by the Gallup Poll whether they approved of marriage between Catholics and Protestants, 79 percent said yes in 1983 (the latest figures available), compared to 63 percent in 1968.
The approval rates for marriage between Jews and non-Jews show a similar growth. In 1983, 77 percent of the Gallup Poll respondents said yes, compared to 59 percent in 1968.
Another indication of growing tolerance, says Smith, is that laws forbidding interracial marriage today are found nowhere in the country. As late as the 1960s, about 20 states had them on their books.
It's easier than it used to be for couples of mixed religion to have a religious ceremony, according to Smith.
"Within the Catholic Church, only the Catholic spouse has to promise to raise the children as Catholics. Formerly, both individuals had to make this promise in order to be married in the church," he says. The change occurred in the 1960s.
Although official Jewish rabbinical groups still have a policy against officiating at interfaith marriages and Conservative and Orthodox rabbis do not perform such ceremonies, Reform rabbis are free to follow their own philosophy, says Dru Greenwood, associate director of the Commission on Jewish Outreach in New York.
"It's our policy to reach out to interfaith couples and to welcome them without requiring conversion, while still encouraging them to choose Judaism for their children," adds Greenwood. About 40 percent of current Jewish weddings are with a non-Jewish partner.
"If you are looking for a rabbi to co-officiate with a Christian, that remains fairly difficult," she says. However, some Reform rabbis will do this. Others will help a couple write a ceremony, will counsel them and will attend the wedding, even if they won't officiate.
"In interfaith marriages, we usually need twice as many premarital sessions," says Canon Joel Gibson at the Cathedral of St. John the Divine in New York. The concerns that invariably come up include personal religious beliefs, relations with the families, how children will be raised and how holidays will be celebrated.
"Interfaith marriages can work so long as the couple talk about the issues," says Jay T. Rock, director of Christian-Jewish Relations at the National Council of Churches of Christ in New York.
"Sometimes in the flush of a new relationship, couples enter an interfaith marriage with the idea that it doesn't mean anything. They find out when kids come along, at holiday times or when there is a funeral that the difference in background does play a part. Counseling on a group or individual basis is very helpful."
Rock says counseling can help couples learn how to deal with their families who may have well-known or unsuspected prejudices that come to the fore when a marriage with someone from another tradition looms.
"The workshops I know about try to talk about the various options, but I think there is often an underlying message that conversion rather than living with differences is best for children and the couple. But there is no way to erase your past. Even if you convert, your children will be curious about this part of their tradition."
Though still limited, the resources for interfaith couples have grown. To find out about counseling programs and clergy who conduct interfaith marriages, Rock suggests calling a local ecumenical group like the National Conference of Christians and Jews. However, most couples find out about the resources by word of mouth.
A discussion program called "Times and Seasons: A Liberal Jewish Perspective on Intermarriage" is available in many parts of the country, according to Greenwood. For further information, contact the Union of American Hebrew Congregations at 838 Fifth Ave., New York, N.Y., 10021, or check with a local reform synagogue.
One of the first problems that interfaith couples have is introducing each other to their parents, says Barbara Tober, editor of Bride's Magazine.
"Sometimes the parents won't come to the wedding. In the main, the stories we hear are of a traumatic first meeting, which most of the time gets resolved. And very often they say, `Now they love him or her.' " "Interfaith marriages can work so long as the couple talk about the issues." Jay T, Rock Director of Christian-Jewish Relations at the National Council of Churches of Christ in New York.
by CNB