Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: TUESDAY, February 26, 1991                   TAG: 9102260066
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: E1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

I CAN SEE THE NIGHTMARES NOW

\ It is beyond me to explain in detail how you would get a computer to let you have some really good fun with a bunch of killer whales.

Something about putting on these magic goggles - which, as I understand it, are not the same color as Dorothy's ruby slippers and won't, I don't think, take you to Kansas.

Also, there is this glove that I can't explain either.

It is clear, however, that this new computer technique will change our lives:

"I'm awfully sorry, Ursula, I can't make it over tonight. I'm in for a smashing night cavorting with these killer whales over to Helmut's place."

I know what you're saying. You're saying this isn't going to stop at playing with a bunch of stupid whales.

You're saying that one of these days you're going to be able to put on these goggles and do and see things that beat the heck out of swimming around with a bunch of whales.

I know your type. You're thinking of a game of volleyball with all the contestants for Playmate of the Year - which does, just for the record, come out way ahead of your average splash with a killer whale.

You will pardon me, however, if I worry a little bit about this innovation.

I don't want to be obvious, but you and I know that things go wrong with computers.

Let us look foward a few years to the time at which American inegnuity has made what they now call `virtual reality technology" so cheap that you can take a goggle-and-glove set home for what a VCR cost in 1991.

You punch in "Fun At the Beach with Suzi" and put your goggles on. Something goes wrong somewhere and the first thing you know you're caught in the middle of the charge of the Light Brigade.

And maybe, when you're trying to get out of the way, you look around desperately and there are some killer whales cavorting in Puget Sound off to your right.

Suzi, of course, is nowhere to be seen.

So, you take the set back to the dealer and he says, sorry, if you'll read the warranty, you'll see that the rationator degaussment feminator, which broke, is not covered.

At that time don't come whining to me because (a) I probably won't be around and (b) just remember you heard about your rationator degaussment feminator here first.

But do give my regards to Suzi if you ever see her.