
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: THURSDAY, March 7, 1991                   TAG: 9103060218
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: E-1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

BENNIE TAKES A STAND ON FALLEN ARCHES

That's the way it goes. You spend your whole life being told that the legs go first and that the rest of your body waits in line to fall to pieces.

This is one of the great untruths of all time.

The legs do not go first. The feet are what go first - and if that isn't entirely grammatical, you'll have to excuse me because I'm nearly out of mind from the way my feet hurt.

I'll tell you how bad they hurt. I've thought of buying a pair of those basketball shoes that you can inflate, the cost of which would keep a drinking man in bourbon for some time.

We are not talking slam dunks here - although I used to have a pretty good hook shot, if I do say so myself.

We are talking about my feet encased in a cushion of air, a contented expression on a face that was once contorted by pain and self-loathing.

Family members, younger friends and prospective pallbearers tell me I am too tight to buy a pair of these shoes. They are right.

But they say I should wear my low-quarter Reeboks as I walk the streets of Roanoke every day.

I have no intention of doing this, for reasons of dignity if nothing else.

I have been told that if you wear white sneakers while you are walking the streets of Roanoke, you also have to wear these cute little socks that barely show above the tops of your shoes.

I assume you have to carry your shoes and those cute little socks in one of those exercise bags all of these guys with great feet carry to the YMCA every day for their "workout."

I have one of those bags. It says "Lewis-Gale Hospital" on the side. I'm saving it for a real emergency, though - like when both arches collapse at the corner of First Street and Campbell Avenue.

Nobody ever told me my feet were going to betray me in what are supposed to be my Golden Years.

I didn't know there's something in my back connected to my heel that makes my heel hurt when I bend over. This happens frequently, because I tend to drop things and thus bend over a lot.

Nobody - although I don't think it has any connection to my heel - ever told me that I'd probably miss Gen. Kelly at those briefings.

I'm sorry. I just feel cheated somehow. You run around for years, expecting your legs to go and then your feet go instead.

Despite the pain, I became obsessed with Gen. Kelly, who announced his retirement this week.

This guy isn't a whole lot younger than I am. I hope he isn't leaving because his feet went before the rest of him.

by CNB