Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, March 10, 1991 TAG: 9103100330
SECTION: HORIZON PAGE: D-4 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: KRIS BANVARD
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
You know what I mean. If General Sherman were alive today and spoke the way those guys gave televised briefings during this latest war, he wouldn't say, "War is hell." He'd say something more like, "I would caution against euphoria when fully engaging the enemy."
That got me to wondering. What if generals through history had always talked that way? It would have been harder to figure out what was going on during a lot of wars. Take the Civil War for example. The following document, obtained from the archives of an alternative reality, illustrates how that conflict might have unfolded on live television.
Transcript of media briefing given by Maj. Gen. Zed W.C. Wilson, Confederate States of America, sometime toward the end of the Civil War:
\ GEN. WILSON: "I have a brief statement to make, and then I'll take questions from members of the media: At 0200 hours today, our forces intercepted a number of forward-deployed Yankee forces in the VTO [Virginia Theater of Operations]. After a brief exchange of firepower, enemy forces returned to their lines. There were no casualties.
"However, our forces took a number of YPWs [Yankee Prisoners of War] and recovered a number of SMEGLIWs [Shoulder-Mounted Eyesight-Guided Light Infantry Weapons, or `muskets'].
"This is in keeping with our original plan of battle, which is proceeding within anticipated parameters. Now I can take some brief questions. . . . Yes?"
\ REPORTER A: "How many YPWs were taken, General?"
\ GEN. WILSON: "I'm sorry; I don't have that number in front of me. It wasn't a large number, or a small one. Next? . . . You."
\ REPORTER B: "Can you tell us how many SMEGLIWs were captured, then?"
\ GEN. WILSON: "I'm sorry, but that's classified. I am prepared to say that it was a `considerable' number."
\ REPORTER B (follow-up): "Can you comment on how this will affect the enemy's fighting capability?"
\ GEN. WILSON: "It will have some effect, yes. I should point out that although our efforts have detrimentally impacted the capabilities of Abe's military forces, many targets remain. And we're addressing those even as we speak right now. . . . Yes, over there."
\ REPORTER C: "General, we've been hearing for some weeks now about the number of cavalry sorties ridden and the extent of damage to Abe's strategic facilities. But we've heard unconfirmed reports that Richmond and Petersburg have been abandoned to the Yankees.
"Also, CNN [Confederate News Network] has quoted sources on the ground saying the Army of Northern Virginia is running out of food, ammunition and even boots. Can you comment on this?"
\ GEN. WILSON: "Well, first, let me remind you of what we said at the commencement of Operation Rebel Yell. We cautioned against euphoria over the initial success of our ground war at Manassas. We said we were following a carefully scripted plan that would unfold over months, rather than weeks. And I reiterate that we're satisfied with the conduct of this operation. . . . Yes, over here."
\ REPORTER C (follow-up): "Can you comment on reports that General Lee is retreating toward the Farmville sector?"
\ GEN. WILSON: "I can confirm that General Lee is in the eastern portion of the VTO; however, it would be aiding the enemy to pinpoint his exact location. Furthermore, I'm not in a position to comment on the specific direction of his deployment - whether he was in a forward, rearward or lateral mode - for the same reasons."
\ REPORTER D: "Is it true that our forces have been targeting Abe in hopes of taking him out?"
\ GEN. WILSON: "First, I remind you that Confederate law prohibits adverse operations against enemy heads of state. However, I can confirm that we have targeted the enemy's command and control centers. This is part of a systematic campaign to disrupt his communications. If Abe, as a military leader, were to become a casualty, that would be beyond the scope of our activities.
"However, I don't think anyone here would shed any tears if that happened. After all, it was the enemy who used hostile resistance against the assertion of our legal right to possess Fort Sumter. Abe's the one who has his entire civilian economy deployed for wartime production. . . . I have time for one more question. . . . Yes, over there."
\ REPORTER E: "General, not to be condescending, but so far we don't have anything to show for this war - extensive collateral damage from Atlanta to the sea, thousands of casualties, our economy in deep recession, the Confederacy split in two and Yankees on all sides. This rather conflicts with the briefings you've been giving. Can you comment?"
\ GEN. WILSON: "Let me respond to that by pointing to the series of no less than nine CSA resolutions that preceded Operation Rebel Yell. States' Rights . . . our need to run our own affairs without Yankee interference . . . the need to protect our cotton-based economy, and so forth.
"Gentlemen, we didn't initiate this war, but Confederate forces will continue to prosecute these operations until all Yankee forces are removed from Southern soil. Thank you."
by CNB