Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, March 16, 1991 TAG: 9103160005
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I know this doesn't lend itself to initialing, unless you want to say that you have been invited to join CTAUWAFTM.
I tried to think up something that would interest people who write headlines - like BAM or WHAM or CLAM - but I was too depressed.
What depressed me and inspired me to form our club was the finding that most people don't have to worry about weight gain when they stop smoking.
It appears only 1 in 10 gain 10 to 30 pounds. You talk about being in the minority. Would you believe 25?
Let me make it clear that this club will never meet - mainly because many of us would be embarrassed when your average living-room chair collapsed when we sat down.
If we ever do meet, don't expect any booze. This would tend to make us cry, which is not good for the orderly transaction of business. Not to mention all the calories.
The weight/smoke problem is certainly a prime qualification. There are others. Please note that you don't have to meet the majority of them to join.
You get boO red after five minutes on the Blue Ridge Parkway and wouldn't
be caught dead up there looking at dead and dying leaves.
People suspect your loyalty to your country and think you are against the environment.
You don't go to the movies anymore because, at those big buildings that look like the main mess hall at Fort Meade, Md., you have to say which movie you want to see when you buy your tickets.
You think there is something grotesque and embarrassing about having to say, "Two for `Edward Scissorhands,' please."
You think it is good thing that there are none of these places that show four X-rated films at the same time and thus nobody will have to say, "One for `Debbie Does Dallas,' please."
> You made plans to attend the International Chicken Flying Meet in Rio Grande, Ohio, only to have your expectations cruelly dashed when the event was canceled.
You know what an International Chicken Flying Meet is and also know a lot about Rio Grande, Ohio.
Don't send me your applications yet. I don't want to be covered up with mail now that spring is coming.
Contrary to what I said about not meeting, we should have an organizational session in the future.
I'll let you know. It will take some time to get the living-room furniture reinforced.
by CNB