
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: FRIDAY, April 5, 1991                   TAG: 9104050172
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: E-1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Beth Macy
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Short

SWM, INEPT AND DORKY

SWM, inept and dorky So you think you can figure people out after reading their Personals ads? You think you can find the meaning behind all those trim and exotic-looking gourmet cooks who love Bach, imported beer and walking in the rain - and have the 3-by-5 glossies to prove it?

See for yourself. The Independent Weekly, the North Carolina Triangle's alternative newspaper, recently ran a guide to help readers decipher its Personals double-speak:

"Highly successful professional . . . "

Translation: Gets to wear suit to work.

"Looking for old-fashioned woman . . . "

Translation: Looking for maid.

"Tired of empty-headed blue-eyed blondes . . . "

Translation: Was unceremoniously dumped last week by blue-eyed blonde.

SM, 35, considered attractive . . .

. . . by my mother, whom I still live with.

"I take care of my body. I enjoy sports, working out and looking after my body. My priorities are: 1) my body, and 2) possibly your body."

Translation: The last book I read was "Green Eggs and Ham."

by CNB