Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, February 1, 1992 TAG: 9202010150
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I'M OUT OF TOUCH NOW; JUST LEAVE A MESSAGE
Let's hear it for Plog Research Inc., which is all right in my book, even if it is in California.It has done a survey that shows a lot of people are not very happy with voice mail.
You know what voice mail is. You call a number and get a recording, and this recording tells you to punch a certain number to reach a certain person or get certain information.
It is a very cold way to do things, and it gives you this eerie feeling that you are no longer in the real world.
Let me illustrate:
"You have reached the Moriarty Toboggan Group.
"If you wish to place an order, punch number 7.
"If your toboggan isn't working right, punch 6 for a nice chat with consumer relations, which probably will tell you to go chase yourself.
"If you want to get a date with Kim Basinger, punch anything you want to and see what it gets you. Just a little humor there."
And there are many people out there who suffer from the Old Beagle Fat Finger Syndrome, which causes its victims to push the wrong buttons on television remotes, banking machines, microwave ovens and punch telephones.
You know how that can go. Your Aunt Zelda is visiting, and instead of punching the channel with the reruns of "The Waltons," you hit the "play" button and there is this R-rated movie you left in the VCR. It was recorded by a friend, of course.
Every time I punch in a number with an area code, I'm afraid I'll end up with a spokesman for the Tokyo stock exchange.
This sickness makes you punch the wrong button to see about a date with Kim Basinger and end up with the guy in charge of building and grounds.
He may be a whiz at conversation, and you may never have met a building-and-grounds person you didn't like, but this means that you have to start all over again.
Put simply, the Moriarty people may find out that voice mail is not a very good way to sell toboggans.
That is, many customers are likely to start punching the number for the chief executive's office and leaving messages with terse suggestions as to what he can do with his toboggans.
I know that once again I am casting myself as a person badly out of touch with the times in which he lives, one who wishes he could go back, say, to 1948.
You can make fun of me if you want, but don't blame me when your Aunt Zelda puts in voice mail and you have to punch 5 to see if you're still in her will.
On second thought, make that 1946.