HERE'S HELP IN HANDLING FAMILIES OF THE '90S

                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SUNDAY, February 9, 1992                   TAG: 9202060100
SECTION: YOUR WEDDING                    PAGE: YW-21   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: By ANNE PIEDMONT
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium
HERE'S HELP IN HANDLING FAMILIES OF THE '90S
Planning a wedding sometimes means planning around the feelings of mothers and fathers of the bride and bridegroom and stepmothers and stepfathers. Arranging them in the pews and receiving lines may seem like a task worthy of the most experienced State Department protocol officer.
But, local wedding consultants say the key to a smooth event is a little common sense and courtesy, and keeping the happiness of the bride and groom as the focal point.
Mickey Sutherland, a Roanoke wedding consultant, says the seating arrangements depend upon both parents' relationships with each other and with their child. If they are on good terms, she said it is perfectly correct for them to sit together in the first row - and it is a nice gesture.
If that is not possible or appropriate, the parent who raised the bride or bridegroom should be seated in the first row, with the stepparent and stepchildren in the same row or just behind. A grandparent, in these cases, may be seated in the front row, as well. The more estranged parent would then be seated in the third row.
Wedding Director Melissa Conner recommends leaving the final seating choice up to the bride and "playing it by ear" based on the family relationships. She knows of no hard and fast rule because every situation is different.
The question of who walks the bride down the aisle can be a sticky one, Conner said. The bride may elect to walk unescorted to avoid offending her father and/or her stepfather, or she may ask a brother or uncle to give her away. "It's caused a lot of rethinking of the old traditions," she said.
If there are too many parents - or uncomfortable relationships - for the receiving line, Sutherland suggests eliminating it in favor of just the bride and groom greeting guests. She notes that she is seeing fewer and fewer receiving lines anyway.
Both women suggest that for the wedding and events surrounding it, divorced or separated parents should put their own feelings aside in favor of those of the bride and groom. Whenever possible, they should attempt to get along. Or at least be civil, to "grin and bear it."
The bride and bridegroom also should clearly communicate their feelings and wishes, advises Sutherland. If the bride wants her stepfather to sit in the front row, she should say so. And all other parties should abide by these wishes.
The issue of who pays for what can be a difficult one. and the answer again depends upon the various relationships. A stepfather who raised the bride, and feels very close to her, may wish to pay for certain parts of the event. Or, an estranged parent my feel obligated. Sutherland suggests that the parent or stepparent who finds his or herself not paying may want to use the money that had been earmarked for the wedding as a gift or for the honeymoon.

by Bhavesh Jinadra by CNB