Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, February 22, 1992 TAG: 9202220098
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
BEN BURIED BY OLYMPICS PRESSURE
I hope the Winter Olympics will be happy when a marriage of almost 40 years breaks up because of all those ice skaters - not to mention that Italian ski person.It got bad the night the ice skating came on at 8 p.m. and a movie called "Buried Alive" came on at 7.
As we have seen here before, figure skating comes first in this family.
I'm sure I would be treated with more respect if I were a retired figure skater - which is, of course, impossible because I never had the knees or ankles for that.
I'm not here, however, to think about what couldn't have been, but to tell you about the stress I am under because of the Winter Olympics.
I was told I could start on "Buried Alive" at 7, but would have to switch to skating at 8.
No person in his or her right mind is going to watch half of a movie with a title like that then spend a lifetime wondering what finally happened.
You can go nuts doing that.
To make sure that everything remained peaceful on the Sea of Matrimony, I went to bed at 7.
I meant to read a huge chunk of this book about the oldest living Confederate widow - which, it seems, I've been reading since the first battle of Winchester.
What I did was flake out immediately and wake up at 3 a.m., with only a dog for company, worrying about "Buried Alive" and the strange, burbling noises the furnace was making.
I know what a lot of you smart alecks out there are saying.
You are saying, dummy, the VCR could have recorded "Buried Alive" all the way through while your helpmate was looking at the skaters.
Well, if the day ever comes when I can figure out how to record one program while looking at another, I'll let you know.
If that happens, I may go back to school to get a master's degree in electronic engineering, pal.
I would like to say here that the driver has done her part to keep the Sea of Matrimony calm - while at the same time remaining firm about the Olympics.
She has made it a point to talk about Herschel Walker getting cut from the bobsled team.
I didn't say anything, but I think Herschel Walker on a bobsled team is kind of dumb, and everybody knows you can't score touchdowns like that.
I'm now in the habit of going upstairs to flake out at 7 p.m. with this very heavy book on my chest. This probably will drive me insane.
I may be going to bed at 7 long after the Olympic games are over - which, I hope, will be before the Redskins and Herschel go to summer camp.