Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, March 2, 1992                   TAG: 9202290263
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: E-1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

OLD BENNIE WILL HAVE HIS CAKE, TOO

I'm always ignored. I'm so frustrated that I'd go to a Charlton Heston birthday party if I were invited. As long as he promised not to do any acting.

Elizabeth rented Disneyland for the party, and it must really have been something. Good gravy, boys, Esther Williams was there.

I looked up Esther's age in the World Almanac, but I'm not going to publish it here. Let's just say her backstroke probably ain't what it used to be.

I really should stop here and forget about Elizabeth's party. I don't think envy is good for anybody.

I'll go on, of course, because there is such a thing as a deadline, and I don't have a lot of time to fool around.

Just let me mention a few of the things I missed by not being there.

I didn't see Elizabeth and her new husband arrive in a horse-drawn white carriage, and everybody ought to see something like that.

Sure, the Associated Press reported in print that Elizabeth was dressed in black jeans, black boots and a black glittery jacket.

But I think that's something you have to see to appreciate. I didn't know, for example, that black jeans had been invented yet.

And you aren't going to get the opportunity to see many 60-year-old women wearing black jeans and boots. I hope.

Years ago, when she was in Virginia politics, she ran around in turbans and caftans.

A caftan, by the way, is a big loose dress. I looked it up when Elizabeth was in these parts.

And wouldn't you have given a couple years of your life to have been there when Elizabeth and her husband cut the cake, along with Snow White and Mickey Mouse?

Not to mention the fact that the cake cutting was done in front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle and that Barry Manilow sang.

The Associated Press didn't mention Pluto, but I'm sure he was there somewhere. I expect, however, that the Disney folks put away all their talking mirrors.

In the public interest, I'm going to wind this up now. If you're like me, your blood is racing, and you're hyperventilating.

I'm coming up on my 65th birthday, and I don't know what we're going to do. We don't have $8,000 to rent Disneyland for a couple of hours, that's for sure.

I won't need a coach and horses because I won't be going anywhere.

We'll cut a cake at the kitchen table, and Snow White and Mickey Mouse can eat their hearts out.