Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: THURSDAY, March 5, 1992                   TAG: 9203050470
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A-11   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: CECIL EDMONDS
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

CANDOR

Where the Truth in Advertising bill is, I don't know. And, true or false, do you? And, do you care how regulated commercials are so long as there's enough time to go to the refrigerator or bathroom?

In the first place, Truth is poor and cannot afford a "powerful lobby organization." Truth is honest. That hasn't come up yet.

Moving from zero philosophy to 95 percent pragmatism in less than 30 seconds, this is an election year. Those who want to get elected must advertise and avoid Truth.

When a governmental body decides that an issue presents a problem for its members, it advocates self-regulation. So there goes the Truth in Advertising bill, down the tubes quicker than the zapping of a Japanese car commercial.

There are signs that self-regulation has already started.

Maybe the first sign of Truth came from Councilman David Bowers, whatever he is running for this week. He announced his candidacy while standing behind a poster that said: "The best is yet to come."

Another naturally formulated, spin-doctor-safe strategy is the Sharing Ignorance and Futility theory. This one has been used ineffectively by President Bush recently.

The advertising strategy here: Confess that you're telling the truth.

There are symptoms that the Sharing Ignorance and Futility strategy has been reduced to the lowest common denominator: local politics.

Steve Musselwhite, who is running for president of the Norfolk Southern against John Fishwick and John Edwards, I think, is employing this tactic.

The other night as I was returning to the television, what I heard him say was he didn't know anything about It, have any plans for solving It, but would convince an ignorant peer group to talk about It because it is time to change It.

So I changed channels.

Then we have Wick (lamp of Truth) Anderson, who took a mini-Cuomo, beg me, back by popular demand, "new and improved" position.

Anderson, once boy-wonder mayor of Roanoke, claims that a host of people asked him to run for mayor again.

It is at this point that the FDA warning you see on cigarette packs and food labels must be put at the bottom of the screen:

"The fat content of the word host is the same as that of baloney. Host is any body of people exceeding three in number, two of whom are the candidate and his fantasy partner."

Wick Anderson - nicknames are a politician's best friend and when set to music the recall factor is enhanced by 70 percent - is an attractive, low-sodium mugwump candidate, who could possibly carry on the bridging Noel Taylor has accomplished.

Mr. Anderson's ad agency should not consider the slogan: "The best is behind me."

Any Truth in Advertising bill will have to extend to all businesses and people who use it. So after the politicians, let's regulate the preachers.

There at the bottom of the screen, right under the Rev. Jerry Falwell's likeness:

"The FDA has been unable to either confirm or refute either through research or Shirley Maclaine that anyone has walked through the Pearly Gates, gone to Hell, or that Mr. Falwell's Liberty University will ever have a world-class basketball team."

For candidate John Fishwick, seeking Rep. Olin's congressional seat:

"The Surgeon General is unable to document any genetic theory that if a child's father can run a railroad, the child can work up enough steam to get elected."

You are encouraged to draft some disclaimers yourself when you're looking for something more productive to do than voting.

But, beware of Truth.

"The Surgeon General has warned that Truth can be dangerous to the health of our election process, the free press and the church, and can be fatal for carpet sales."

Cecil Edmonds is a Roanoke businessman.