Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, March 14, 1992 TAG: 9203140070
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
"Well," I said to the greatest station wagon driver of them all, "I guess the canvas seats and backs for the director's chairs will last another year."
"You know perfectly well they won't, you insufferable miser," she said. "They are original equipment - bought in 1962, when your waist was 36 inches and you weren't El Cheapo."
"You mean?" I asked, as I have for the past six years when discussing the director's chairs.
"The seats and backs are rotten," she said, as she has for the past six years.
"How rotten?" I asked.
"Well, let's put it this way, big spender, you wouldn't want a human your size sitting in one of those chairs," she said.
We went on to that part of the debate in which I argue that there must be replacements for the backs and seats out there. That this is America, after all.
And she says sure. The trouble is that these modern replacements don't fit chairs that are 30 years old.
I suggest that we should be creative enough to make our own replacements and she says this is possible - if she had a decent sewing machine, or any sewing machine at all.
This is dangerous ground here, because the driver gave her latest sewing machine away in a fit of pique. I think she secretly blames me for the stupid way that machine sewed, or didn't sew.
But I don't want to get involved in the Annual and Ongoing Sewing Machine Debate. This could lead to paying for a new sewing machine as well as new director's chairs.
Not to mention the metal chaise longue with wheels on it, which was on sale, even as we debated, for $209.95.
I cleverly switched strategy to appeal to the country girl, who is still there in the driver.
"Well," I said. "I am a lover of the simple things of this life and one who hears the past calling as ancient sailors heard the sirens. In other words, my little sunflower, we can sew them by hand.
"Don't you just love it? A kind of quilting bee. Both of us plying our needles in a labor of love."
"You want to sew canvas by hand, you go sew canvas by hand," the driver said, and she stirred the vegetable soup that would be our humble supper.
If any of you think I'm the winner here, you're wrong.
I don't know about the director's chairs, but I have this feeling we will have one of those chaises before long.
You're welcome to lounge in it. If you'll chip in to pay for the cushions.
by CNB