
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SUNDAY, March 22, 1992                   TAG: 9203290223
SECTION: HORIZON                    PAGE: B-1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: 
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Long

THEY HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY FEAR -

The fear that swept over much of Roanoke when it became known that a "stalker" was shadowing children is not new to one Roanoke woman. She found the news so disturbing that it tore into the tranquility of her marriage and retriggered fears that had lingered for two decades. She sat down and wrote a letter, one that reflects - painfully and graphically - how she is suffering along with our city's children. She is coping with the renewed memories of a stalker that hounded her on some of the same streets as the one now active in Southwest Roanoke. She mailed the letter to the principal of Woodrow Wilson Middle School and to this newspaper. She gave permission to have the letter published, provided her name not be used.

\ Dear Ms. Duffy:

It is 3 a.m. and I am suffering from "emotional trauma."

I am going to speak very frankly to you - woman to woman - and hope and pray what I have to say will be taken seriously and encourage you, in your position, to be on the alert.

I am 35 years old and from the time I was 3 years old I have suffered the effects of sexual abuse. It has destroyed and defiled my own marital bed.

Please allow me to explain what this has to do with you.

Tonight, I took the Roanoke Times to bed and was reading it before retiring. Shortly thereafter, my husband joined me and read a book. A few minutes later he laid his book aside and with desire for intimacy he turned toward me, touching himself. . . . I reacted by "ignoring," him but really I was reacting to him with horror and embarassment. You see, at that precise moment I was lost to a 20-year-old memory - that of being 13 years old and walking home from school.

I went to Woodrow Wilson Junior High School and lived on Dennison Avenue and had to walk to and from school, most often by myself - and these times grew to be times of nightmares and fear. Even 20 years ago, Woodrow Wilson was "stalked" by pedophiles. I recall one man then most likely in his 40s maybe slightly older who gained pleasure and "got his jollies" by watching the children. I cannot begin to describe what it was like to see that dreaded car parked beside the walk and that familiar form sitting inside. You see, this man always parked his car at the perimeter of the school property near the last house before school property where he could observe all the children descending the hill from the school.

On numerous occasions he would expose himself, fondling himself and masturbate.

I was scared to death then and the visual picture of that "bespeckled" man continues to haunt me even as a woman. I left Virginia in the 9th grade and only moved back here three years ago - but I remember when shortly after moving back I took my daughters on a "tour" of my old neighborhood. As we approached W.W. we passed the place this pervert chose to watch his "fantasy prey" and even 20 years later shivers and fear engulf my mood.

You cannot imagine the re-creative impact Ron Brown's article had on me tonight. I know [13-year-old Woodrow Wilson student] Emily Bennett's fear. I was once like her. I had no one to help me. I can remember even "skipping school" on occasions rather than have to walk past this man. If I saw him I would go anywhere but past his parked vehicle because I was afraid that I might be his victim. By the age of 13, I knew the irrational thinking of a man who exposes himself and masturbation only served as a reminder to the physical overpowering, uncontrollable urge and strength they possess and at which time they seek relief at the expense of innocent victims. I was not quite so aware as to the impact of these "hidden" messages as I was by my own self revelation tonight.

1. The newspaper article shocked me into realizing that there are children still being "hurt" today in the same ways I was 20 years ago.

2. I was thrown back into time to relive true fear.

3. I reacted to my own loving and kind husband's physical expressions of love with fear and shame and suffered because his timing was off. How could he possibly know that the vision of his erect penis would set me on the edge of screaming for help because exactly at that moment he turned to me I was staring blankly at the headline "Man following youngster alarms school community" and reliving my own school days at Woodrow Wilson?

I am writing to you now as a delayed, late cry for help. As a school authority - I want to tell you of the man from my past who, for some reason, remains foremost in my memory. I want the little girl inside me to feel safe and protected as I "walk" to school.

I guess what I'm really saying is that you may not be aware of the impact and power to cause fear to arise in a young girl by a man who just "happens to drive by and stare." The effects, even though never touched, can be devastating to a child.

If "your kids" are crying out for help, trust and believe them. They know more than what we adults are often able to grasp. Their level of perception/experience grants them the authority to speak with truth. We adults often try to downplay it and rationalize that "as long as no one is hurt" we'll just hope it'll go away.

Those kids reporting the current W.W. stalker have already been hurt - possibly deeper than you'll ever even know.

They have "been touched" - by fear - something they should never have had to feel. Paranoia is instilled and fear can be crippling emotionally. I know - I still suffer.

Is it enough to "want to make sure it was him" before notice. Well, even so, it is out now, hopefully before too many kids were "victimized" into fear or obscene perversity.

These kids need your protection. They have no one else to turn to for help. How can you help them? You've done the best you can by notifying police - but realistically - is that enough?

I have thought about this for three hours now. What did I need and want 20 years ago? A feeling of innocence, security and safety. My introduction to sexuality and the subsequent occurences have marred me inside, filled me with shame and created fear of intimacy and failure to respond without detaching my fragile protective devises. No one rescued me from these abuses and I learned to control and suppress these memories (which came alive today!)

I curse that long ago "Woodrow Wilson Pedophile" who stared at us way back then.

How does our current society respond to this type of abnormal behavior today? What can adults do to protect our children? What are the answers?

I don't know - but something must be done! For the children's sake. They needn't grow to fear their lives.

I wish I had solutions, but aside from the obvious I am helpless to recommend a solution. What might have helped me years ago.

Well - not having an adult to "help" was probably my biggest problem - maybe if someone in authority knew of this parked car and the activity within they could have put a stop to it. It wouldn't have erased the damage and fear already instilled in me - but it would have eliminated future encounters with "the man." That current individual must be discouraged. Your notification was the first step in recognition and awareness of the problem. You probably have in your student body an underlying "hysteria.' How can you alleviate that?

Maybe parent involvement. I realize not everyone can drive their child to school - but what if parents united and volunteered to act as a "border patrol," street corner "watches." Would a man choose to park near school grounds if he knew the area was officially "patrolled" by watchful adults? No - he would not continue to do his "activity" if the risk of discovery was prevalent. Of course this wouldn't ever be fully effective because he would just go somewhere else - but hey - adults need to assume some responsibility to the inherent needs of children.

But what about the kids themselves? How can they be reassured? How can they become "units of force" in eliminating unwanted attention. I was just imagining what might have gone through that man's head 20 years ago when I first passed his car and saw his immorality and lewd perversions, if instead of trembling and fearfully passing by, I had walked by reassured. And, as soon as I was safely past, I had removed from my purse or book bag a strong metal whistle (like my old gym teacher used) and began blowing it as loud and as long as I could. Do you think "that man" would continue to caress himself and still sit there watching the kids behind me? I think not!

What do you think the response of the current Woodrow Wilson "stalker" would be if each time he slowed down to "stare" his intended victim were to stand there blowing a whistle? Followed by another and another and another as he made his pass through the neighborhood. Would he continue to stalk those streets? I think not.

And how about those kids? If they were taught to "protect themselves" in such a manner do you think that being part of a solution to an otherwise "helpless" situation might reassure them that they can re-establish a sense of well-being and an "alert system" of this nature would call adults to their aid.

It's something to think about.

by CNB