Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, March 1, 1993 TAG: 9303010010
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
THAT MAIDEN NAME THING CAN MAKE A WIFE A LITTLE SENSITIVE
The greatest station wagon driver of them all and I, for reasons that should be obvious to every thinking American, were discussing the use of maiden names by some people we hope not to mention here."Well," I said. "I hope you appreciate the fact that my full support in your longtime usage of your maiden name in official circumstances has never wavered. I mean, I saw immediately that you were not the type to stay home and bake cookies."
"Yeah," the driver said. "I remember how enthusiastic you were when we took out the joint checking account. You said the extra name made the checks look funny."
"I didn't say that," I said. "I said I was worried they might charge us for the extra letters. Listen, your name's great. Mary Ann John Beagle. Has quite a ring to it, don't you think?"
"You're going to turn into a chauvinist hog now, aren't you?" the driver said. "I can tell it by the way your nostrils are flaring."
"Not at all, my little snow drop," I said. "I am merely attempting to show you that I am up with the times and strongly support equal rights for women.
"I would be remiss, however, if I didn't mention the fact that Bess Truman didn't use her maiden name officially, although I think Mamie Dowd Eisenhower may have. Mrs. Garfield, on the other hand, settled for being called Lucretia."
"Don't you have some wood to cut or something?" the driver asked. "Or a bathroom to paint?"
"Yes, sir," I said. "You're talking to a broad-minded, progressive American here. But you do wonder. I mean, was Desdemona worrying about the use of her maiden name when Othello bumped her off? Is that the reason he bumped her off?"
"Yeah," the driver said. "And what about Attila the Hun. I'll bet he didn't let his wife use her maiden name. Right, bubba?"
"I don't know if Attila had a wife," I said. "I suspect that if he did, she didn't stay home baking cookies or whatever it was huns ate."
"Hear me, my children," the driver said. "For I am sorely afflicted by this man in the latter years of my life."
"Ha. Ha," I said. "I am sure you realize what a balanced, compassionate, honest and caring man you married, my little azalea bloom."
"It's funny you should mention that," the driver said. "I was just telling somebody the other day that I was going to rent a sound truck and tell everybody that very thing. Hey, I've got a call in to John Chancellor to see if he'd like to do a commentary piece on you."
Boy, I hate it when Mary Ann John Beagle gets cynical. It doesn't become a woman with a great name like that.