Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, March 22, 1993 TAG: 9303200271
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: ELIZABETH RHODES KNIGHT-RIDDER/TRIBUNE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
LOVE & DEBT
LOTS of financial books tell couples how to prosper through investing.But what if they're newlyweds who can't agree on the basics - as in he'd like to save for a house, while she'd prefer an apartment and fancy vacations.
Enter John Shimer and his new book, "Secrets to Financial Success in Marriage" (Successful Financial Planners publisher; $22.95).
In a market glutted with financial-advice tomes, Shimer has done the seemingly impossible and carved out a new niche.
Unlike other money books, his does not stress building wealth but instead building financial compatibility with one's mate.
"If you're going to try to achieve true financial success, you have to understand that relationship issues are primary issues," is the way Shimer sees it. It's a lesson he says he learned as a professional fund-raiser working with wealthy philanthropists.
Specifically targeted to the newly married, Shimer's 450-page book offers numerous work sheets to help them coordinate their financial thinking.
There are chapters designed to help partners understand their financial styles, set goals and work together to achieve them. As Shimer says, "a goal is nothing more than a dream with an attached time schedule."
Interspersed are chapters that help couples understand how their parents' way of handling money may influence theirs, how they can convert financial weaknesses into strengths, and how to work toward a true partnership - which he considers basic both to a good marriage and monetary success.
In fact, success in handling finances may be one of the biggest indicators of a successful union - and vice versa, he says, pointing out that "in marriages that fail, nine out of 10 [couples] report that money problems contributed heavily to the breakup."
Shimer speculates this is because "money isn't just money. It also represents our chosen values and dreams, so it's very important for both the husband and wife to get these out on the table soon. The values they choose really will determine the outcome of their relationship."
One couple learned that during their engagement, when they took Shimer up on his offer to use his book to determine their financial compatibility. Turned out the woman was a thrifty saver while the man - unbeknownst to his fiancee - was a credit-card junkie.
When they realized they deeply disagreed on how they'd manage their money after the wedding, they called it off.
'90s are harder
While Shimer says all couples need to know how to manage money, he thinks today's newlyweds have a special need to do so because of the changing economy.
"We're now entering a fundamental stage in our economic lives where we basically have to reinvent our free-enterprise system," Shimer believes. "What that means for young people is that more than ever before they'll have to know about the subjects in this book, specifically what are the primary laws that govern any couple on their way to financial success."
What's more, couples can't simply short-circuit this process by relying on their parents' way of doing things because their parents' best financial years probably came during the '70s and '80s - a time of growing affluence for many families. This meant they could make financial mistakes and still survive.
But with salary growth stagnant and investment and job security iffy, that may not be the case for today's young couples, he says.
"The mistakes couples can make early - like getting into debt - will be amplified by the economy," Shimer predicts. "By the time they wake up and realize how deep they're in, they may not be able to get out because the easy money is not going to be there."
To help them make the most of what they have, Shimer's book also explains the basics of investing, buying insurance, getting a loan, making out a will and filing joint income taxes, among other topics.
It was the breakup of his own first marriage that led John Shimer on the path to writing "Secrets to Financial Success in Marriage."
By age 26 he'd graduated from college in Illinois, married, had two children and begun his career as a fund-raiser specializing in tax-planned giving.
Yet, "I found myself completely unprepared in the world of finance - and in the finances in marriage. I asked myself how can this be? Why would any society allow its young adults to get to this stage of life and not be prepared?"
Shimer still doesn't know why, but he has some theories. A favorite: "Money is a taboo subject in our society, and the reason is both men and women have not just hidden agendas, but neanderthal, conventional ways of relating based on power struggles. The vast majority of couples never get beyond that."
What's more, most "manage their finances on the basis of crises, moods, quick fixes and immediate gratification - not by a sound plan they both agree to live by," he says.
But some couples, he knew from his work with wealthy philanthropists, managed to build not just financial success but marital success. After his own marriage failed, he set about analyzing why - and what it was about successful couples that made them so.
The result is his book, which he co-wrote with Lynne Roark Newman, a health-insurance consultant; Thomas J. Shumard, a tax and estate-planning attorney; M. Anthony Spellman, a CPA; and Dennis McEvoy, whose specialty is life insurance.