Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, March 24, 1993 TAG: 9303230170
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
IT'S TIME TO POUND OUT PRESIDENTIAL VOICE MAIL
Well, I asked myself the other day just after I overheated the lentil soup in the microwave, are you going to call the White House to listen to presidential voice mail?And the answer to that is: Not me, pally.
The Associated Press reported that this is one of the ways White House aides hope to bring the president - and, I assume, Socks and the rest of the family - closer to the people.
I think a cocktail party that went on for four weeks might be a happy, although non-technological, alternative here. But nobody wants anything do with non-technology these days.
I don't know how presidential voice mail would work, and I have had little experience to prepare myself for it.
I avoid it if possible. I always say that a guy who can burn soup in a microwave has no business fooling with voice mail.
Therefore, I regret that I have no intention of calling the proper number at the White House - perhaps to hear a disembodied voice say:
"Welcome to White House Voice Mail. If you would like hear the president discuss the budget, push the pound button, now.
"If you would like to hear him talk about the closure of military bases, push 9, now.
"If you would like to hear a saxophone solo, press star, now.
"Of course none of this is going work if you are weird enough to still have a rotary phone, and we shouldn't even bother with you, but stay on the line and someone will answer."
I assume that then you would be driven almost mad by the playing of canned, easy-listening patriotic music, would decide you aren't that interested in closed military bases anyway and hang up.
I guess you've noticed, by the way, that those of us who cling to our rotary phones - to recapture and hold the past, maybe - are being forced out of touch with society and commerce in this country.
It makes you feel apart from the mainstream when you are unable to push the pound button, now.
A few years ago, driven by the need to know what had happened to my federal tax refund, I punched my entire Social Security number into a phone at the office.
I still get nervous thinking about doing that - especially on company time.
I don't why that bothers me. I must have worked 4,000 crossword puzzles on company time.
And you know how unreliable phone numbers can be. You dial one wrong digit, and a sexy voice says: "Hi. I'm Veronica. Give me your credit card number for a wild time."
Some of you may find the above objectionable, but at least Veronica doesn't threaten people with a saxophone solo.