Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, January 25, 1993 TAG: 9301230125
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I DON'T HATE DALLAS, I'M JUST SICK OF THE GAME
I'd like to correct certain reports that I'm boycotting the Super Bowl because the Dallas Cowboys are going to be in it.Nothing could be further from the truth. Such reckless rumor mongering does little for my reputation as a sound thinker and a brilliant philosopher who always sees two sides of a question.
I know that I have a history of hating Dallas, but I am old now. I have seen the error of my ways and have put away childish things.
Besides, I'm getting out of touch with the game. Who to wants watch a football game that begins when honest people are having supper? Who wants to be driven insane by all those commercials?
Just to show you how out of touch I am, I couldn't remember who took Phyllis George's place on the halftime shows. I kind of miss Phyllis' burbling and giggling. She was better than Terry Bradshaw acting like he is chewing peyote buttons off camera.
But, to return to the Cowboys and the Super Bowl, let me say somebody planted that story about me throwing a boat shoe at the screen when Dallas beat San Francisco.
As a matter of fact, I was locked in my room that entire Sunday - trying to make a dent in Shelby Foote's three-volume history of the Civil War that I got for Christmas three years ago.
I'm just sick of the game, boys. I mean, your Aunt Zelda may be right when she says football is an animalistic sport that deadens the better feelings of its participants and leads to knee surgery.
I hope you can see that I'm not small enough to envy Dallas its place in the Super Bowl. Let the Cowboys go there in the best of health, is what I say.
Heck. Some smart aleck gave me a Cowboys cap a couple of years ago, and I cherish it. I don't wear it, however.
This should not be taken to mean I will ever like the way the Dallas coach does his hair. I always say, give me Tom Landry when it comes to hairdos.
I also don't care for their fresh-faced quarterback, who looks like he could have played in "Home Alone."
I hate that stadium with the funny hole in the roof and the Dallas fans and cheerleaders, and I suspect that a lot of people with an eye for decorum and good taste feel the same.
I will mention the Washington Redskins in closing solely to show that they, as a team, tend to encourage taste and breeding in their followers - despite an inept season that is now mercifully ended.
They don't depend on half-naked cheerleaders for spirit.
They have grown men who put on hog snouts and go to games in drag.