Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, January 26, 1993 TAG: 9301260363
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: B-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ed Shamy
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
PRIVY, SKIVVIES AND OILY SATIRE
Before we rip open the mailbag to spill the contents here, a confession.I bungled my Michigan geography by reporting recently that Midland, Mich. had its water intake pipes on Lake Erie clogged by zebra mussels. Midland is better than 100 miles from Lake Erie. I meant Monroe, Mich., directly on the lake's shore.
Now, to the letters:
"Ed Shamy, . . . You have a twisted, distorted notion of what is an American! Bragging about dumping oil on the ground, do you also brag about being a drunk driver, a bank robber, etc. How could you dump oil into our water supply? . . . Stop it, please!"
C.W., Blacksburg.
"Think about it the next time you pour your oil out."
K.M., Elliston.
Dear C.W., K.M. and others,
Rest assured, my used motor oil is returned to reputable recyclers and not dumped on the ground. The brilliance of my satire was lost on many readers.
"Dear Ed, Welcome to the club. I too am the recipient of the printed `Jesus Loves You/Everybody else thinks you're an ---hole.' Enclosed with the letter was a clipping of my published letter to the editor in support of the view that religious practices and professions have no rightful place in our public schools. Who is this courageous and articulate author of these poison pen love notes?"
N.B., Roanoke.
Dear N.B., This deluded miscreant hides behind anonymity. With a message like that, wouldn't you?
"Dear Mr. Shamy, Imagine my surprise to return from my Christmas vacation to find your trashy and tasteless column about the lovely city of Covington, Va. . . . . Did it ever cross your mind that one of the reasons the crotchless panties and `risque' items were such `hot items' is because it was the Christmas season?
J.T., Roanoke.
Dear J.T., Crossed my mind so prominently that I included it in the column.
"Dear Mr. Shamy,
I agree that it is sad that Sam Houston's birthplace will let the 200th anniversary of his birth pass without some small ceremony. Such has not always been the case. In 1935, as a small child, I was invited by the governor of Virginia to unveil the bust of Houston which was placed in the Capitol to honor him as a great Virginian. The governors of Texas and Tennessee were also present at the ceremony . . . ."
M.R., San Antonio, Texas
Dear M.R., Be proud of Sam Houston, your ancestor. Understand, though, that we Virginians boast only about those Virginians who stay put.
"Dear Ed, I apologize for waiting so long to express appreciation for your article about the horribly difficult spacing of rest areas on northbound I-81. At the time when I-81 was completed from Roanoke to U.S. Route 11 just east of Carlisle, Pa., there was one official elimination location available northbound. It was an old-fashioned country outhouse (with half-moon in door) about three miles inside Pennsylvania. The holes were dug . . . ."
C.S., Roanoke.
Dear C.S., I've edited your letter to spare readers the gory details. Yours is as riveting a privy account as I've read.