Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SUNDAY, January 31, 1993 TAG: 9301310248
SECTION: HORIZON PAGE: F-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: By ROWLAND NETHAWAY COX NEWS SERVICE
DATELINE: WACO, TEXAS LENGTH: Medium
WHAT IS IT ABOUT HILLARY THAT MAKES CONSERVATIVES CRINGE?
Most animals employ alarm signals to warn others of their species of impending danger. Bluejays shriek, beavers slap their tails on the water, squirrels bark and conservatives scream "Hillary is coming."When the First Husband announced he was going to give the First Wife an office on the same side of the White House as the Oval Office, the "Hillary-is-coming" scream shot up a full octave. And when Clinton gave Rodham-Clinton an important government job, purple-faced conservatives screeched the ultimate warning - "Hillary is here" - before collapsing in quivering apoplexy.
All during the presidential campaign you could smell the fear rising from the over-heated bodies of conservatives. No amount of Chanel No. 5 or eau de John Wayne could cover up the fear scent emitted by conservatives whenever Hillary's name was mentioned.
Why conservatives turned into Hillaryphobes practically overnight is a mystery. Surely this epidemic of Hillaryphobia needs to be studied. Why does this woman so frighten conservatives?
After all, Hillary was never accused of dodging the draft, smoking pot, running around on her spouse, having overweening political goals or spending her life with her nose buried in the public trough. Some people have been accused of those things, but not Hillary. She didn't even have any red-flag nicknames, like Slippery Hillary or Razor Rodham.
One of Hillary's main interests that particularly threatened conservatives was her work to help children. Figure that one out. A young mother dedicates much of her efforts to improve the lives of American children and scares the diddlydoo out of conservatives.
Of course Hillary was, and is, a lawyer. That can be pretty scary. She even is considered one of the nation's most brilliant lawyers. It is probably one of those unanswerable philosophical arguments, like how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, as to which is more dangerous, a brilliant lawyer or a stupid lawyer.
But I don't think it is the lawyer part that so frightens conservatives about Hillary. After all, aside from trial lawyers, there are a lot of lawyers who aren't that frightening as long as you are careful around them.
The thing about Hillary that turns so many conservatives into Hillaryphobes is that she is not a typical stay-at-home-stand-by-her-man little woman. She said it herself on national TV while her husband was trying to squirm out of infidelity charges. Conservatives immediately were drenched in dread and Bimbogate was forgotten. "My God, Martha, did you hear that? She is a strong woman with a mind of her own. She threatens our very existence."
Conservative women didn't want some young successful woman to even hint that there was another way to run a home and raise a family. Conservative men were thinking Hillary could cause them to have to do more than take out the trash twice a week.
Hillary even made more money than her husband. She often decided to take separate vacations. That sort of thing could destroy the natural household order. Who would then be in charge? Who would wear the pants in the family? Oh, woe, misery, grief and gloom. Hillary is coming! Hillary is coming!
Perhaps the essence of Hillaryphobia was captured on the cover of February's Spy magazine. Hillary was pictured in the Oval Office in a metal-studded leather bikini with black fishnet hose and holding a riding crop whip. It was a computer composite picture, but it must have represented every conservative's worst nightmare.
Bring on the conservatives. Hillary's here and ready for business. Crawl. Beg. Repent.