Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: FRIDAY, February 19, 1993 TAG: 9302190015
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: B1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ed Shamy
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
BREADSTICKS, PIPE DREAMS AND SHOE
"Dear Mr. Shamy, I consider you to be the wisest man in the Roanoke Valley . . . ."B.G., Roanoke.
Dear B.G., This is just one of the reasons we're in such big trouble around here.
"Dear Mr. Shamy, Thank you for supporting gun control, Please stick with it and don't let anyone talk you down."
\ W.M., Blacksburg.
Dear W.M., Talked down is not a problem I worry about. Gunned down robs me of some sleep.
\ "On Feb. 7 [Ed Shamy] demonstrated typical Roanoke Times procedure in telling half-truths. Where did left-wing Ed get his `facts' and if indeed his figures are correct, how many of these gun crimes were committed by ex-felons? . . . I'm canceling our subscription to your paper and am going to donate the price of a year's subscription to the National Rifle Association in your honor."
C.V., Pilot.
Dear C.V., Your $117 will be well-spent defending the rights of the well-regulated militia to bear arms during domestic arguments, convenience-store holdups and street disputes over bicycle ownership.
\ "Dear Ed, Your column on the cassette tape about Interestate 81 was right on. It seems to me that grasping at the tourism straw for a reasonable amount of revenue isn't so far-fetched, but expecting the various agencies to work together for the good of the area is a real pipe dream . . . ."
K.T., Natural Bridge.
Dear K.T., The Constitution was created so that each branch of government would serve as a check and balance to the others. We've improved on the concept by bickering ourselves into a perpetual daze.
\ "Dear Ed, . . . I find the ignorance of a crackerjack columnist named Ed Shamy to be quite annoying. . . . Why do you continue to besmirch mountain tourism as `grabbing at straws' . . . ."
D.S., Roanoke.
Dear D.S., Tourism is a wonderful thing. So are breadsticks. But to make one the centerpiece of your meal and the other the foundation of your local economy is to leave everyone hungry.
\ "Dear Ed, Enclosed is irrefutable evidence that a scandal of biblical proportions has engulfed our favorite newspaper. One look tells even the novice detective that columnist Ben Beagle is, in fact, the `Perfesser' of the Shoe comic strip.
I call on you, Ed, to investigate this matter . . . please bring this heinous act of chicanery out into the open before innocent lives are ruined."
S.F., Radford.
S.F., Beagle assures me he is not Shoe, has never been Shoe, has no intention of being Shoe and is not the inspiration for Shoe, though the accusation circulates from time to time. Authorities are now investigating Beagle's relationship with Heloise from the "Hints from Heloise" column. If Beagle stores paper clips in old cigar boxes and uses old milk jugs as bird feeders, he could face a very serious rap.