Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, February 22, 1993 TAG: 9302200167
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
TOIL, TOIL, AND ALL I GET IS MOSS
Any day now, you're going to be reading all these pieces about getting your house and grounds ready for spring.I'm going to go ahead and do a piece of my own, if you don't mind. I mean, what do you want from me? February is a very dull month, Conchita.
This year, it appears to me that the side yard is paved entirely with moss. This is the yard they dug up for the sewer and then I dug it up for the grass seed, and now it's moss again.
I can live with moss. You don't have to cut it for one thing. And so what if it has a sickening green shade to it?
I knew that living with the moss was no good, and I drew up a plan for a huge rock garden out there - with a waterfall and a couple of pagodas. And temple bells.
I included spotlights, naturally, and I was going to pipe some music out there - Hawaiian tunes and a little soft rock, I thought.
Maybe a couple of locals to run around in sarongs out there on Saturday nights.
You know. Kind of like the Playboy Mansion grounds. Maybe throw in a couple of thong bathing suits.
This plan would also have taken care of this big sinkhole that developed after the sewer operation. I wasn't going to fill that sucker in with topsoil. I planned to throw some rocks in there and make a charming little grotto out of it.
I intended to reveal my plan to other persons residing on Happy Highfields Road so that they wouldn't be surprised when the major networks sent crews to report on this miracle I had created in my side yard.
I was not successful in selling this splendid idea to the proper people and I will soon be out there being shaken apart by the old front-end tiller. And buying sod and seed and straw and topsoil so that we can have moss again next year.
There are other problems. Like the mower, unused for months. There's nothing like getting your hands dirty, and it will be a welcome challenge to take it apart and fine tune it again. I hope my son can meet this challenge.
I don't want to offend anybody, but I have been inspecting my turf shoes that I wear while mowing the yard, and I think I may be wearing illegal cleats.
Inside, the entire house needs painting again, which should be done before I start on the moss, which is nothing new because I have a paint-eating house.
As you can see, it's going to be very hard to get in my afternoon nap after spring gets here.
I dunno. My Side Yard Solution might have been approved if I hadn't mentioned those thong bathing suits.