Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, April 5, 1993 TAG: 9304030159
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
EGG PROBLEM IS NO YOLK
There's always somebody who's willing to come along and ruin things for other people.There is the Virginia Mason Medical Center in Seattle, Wash., which is advising us that we could all get into some pretty bad trouble if we aren't careful about our Easter eggs.
It's funny. You'd never think that an organization from Washington state would want to ruin Easter for the rest of us. But there it is.
There's your average Easter egg dye, for example. It's safe as long as it's diluted but don't forget the children might think the undissolved dye tablets are candy and eat them.
Yeah. Sure. You say your kids are too smart to do that. Listen, my oldest daughter has more degrees than Winston Churchill and she used to love to eat mothballs.
There you go, Trevor. Peter Cotton Tail is about to come hopping and the children are in intensive care having their stomachs pumped after they collapsed and had seizures because of Easter-egg dye poisoning.
Looks like a great weekend. Right?
And all of you bigtime dyers out there thought you were being smart when you stored your eggs in the egg compartment in your refrigerator door, didn't you?
Wrong. I mean, just because the manufacturer went to all that trouble to make that shelf with all the egg-shaped spaces, doesn't mean you have to use them.
When you store the eggs in the door, hot airs gets on them when you open the door for one of those phony beers with just 70 calories.
The hot air exposure would depend, of course, on how many phony beers you choke down daily.
Hot air is not good for eggs and you should forget about the door and store them in their original cartons in the coldest part of the fridge.
You forget that and take some hard-boiled, dyed eggs over to your Aunt Zelda on Sunday. You visit her again on Tuesday and find that all hell has broken loose.
She is near death with salmonella and is writing you out of her will even as the rescue people carry her to the ambulance.
She isn't going to be very receptive when you tell her you'll never store eggs in those egg-shaped places in you refrigerator anymore.
Oh, and if you crack any eggs while you are hard-boiling them so you can color them with the dye the children haven't eaten, throw them out. Salmonella again.
But, hey, we don't have to listen to those people out in Washington.
Go on. Have a happy Easter. Dye those eggs. Devil them. Put them wherever you want in the refrigerator.
Hide them for the children - that is, if you aren't afraid they'll get too much hot air on them and make the kids very ill.